My Peace Of Mind Is Not Up For Debate.

You see this thing called peace of mind ?. It is something I now guard with everything within me , See no jokes, a few years back, say around 3 to 4 years ago, I couldn’t say this confidently ,At that time, my peace was shaking left, right, and center and honestly, I did not even know how bad it was until things got really deep.

The pressure I was facing from home was just too much , I was always on edge, always thinking, always trying to please, to adjust, to endure , everybody I spoke to then would say, “Just keep praying,” or “It is part of marriage, just be patient.” So I was enduring and praying, just as advised, I kept telling myself that maybe one day things would get better… that maybe if I just tried a little more, it would all work out.

But last year? Ehn, last year almost broke me.

It got to the point where I started losing my own confidence like, the real me started disappearing, I would look at myself in the mirror and ask, “How did I get here?”like I started questioning everything about my life, to be sincere I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sleeping well, and I was always emotionally drained ,and what’s worse? I couldn’t even talk freely about it you know how it is now people will say you are not trying hard enough, or they will bring Bible verses to remind you why you should stay ,see I did get it, I listened I swear I tried.

But deep down, I just knew I needed a break, Not because I had plans to walk out of my marriage no, that wasn’t even in my mind, I just needed space to breathe, to find myself again, and to protect the little peace I had left ,so, I left home.

Now, if I thought things were already bad before, leaving opened another chapter, It was like everything just scattered. People started talking, some were judging, some were confused, but me I was tired, Mentally, emotionally, spiritually just tired.

Then one night, I was lying down, just staring at the ceiling, and this strong thought hit me , “Girl, what if one day you sleep and you don’t wake up?” That thing shook me, Because it was real , I had lost myself trying to hold everything together, i had been pouring from an empty cup for too long like really long.

That was the moment I decided.

From that point till now, I made up my mind my peace of mind comes first, If anything, or anyone, threatens that peace, I am not staying, I am not arguing ,I am not begging, I am not adjusting to pain anymore, Because the truth is, if I go, life continues, But me, I have only one life, and I owe it to myself to live it with sense.

Sha I am still healing, still learning, and still also growing, but one thing I am proud of is that I chose me, I chose to protect my heart, my space, and my sanity.

So if you ask me what is non-negotiable in my life now? It is peace, Real, undiluted peace the type that lets you sleep at night without tears you get?. The type that allows you to smile genuinely, even when life is not perfect.

So that’s the season I am in right now, And honestly, I am not going back to anything or anyone that threatens it. Ever again.

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