Life Update: Unwanted Transitioning
There are a lot of things I'm currently waiting for, and this probably makes the present a terrible time for me. Waiting is better when there are zero chances of bad things happening. It's like waiting to check the outcome of an examination, especially when you weren't sure of how well you did. Uncertainty is underestimated, sometimes it creates a loophole for diverse psychological instability, even when we know this, we cannot control ourselves from being in that mental state.
So we can be positive while waiting, and sometimes, being in fear makes waiting a horrendous thing. However, Waiting is something I know how to do very well, but, waiting in anticipation of whether an outcome will be good or bad is something I do not know how to do. Anxiety is one of the things I can hardly control, and this is because I'm a natural overthinker: not considering the stability of the present, but the prospect of instability of tomorrow and the near future.
Having lost my entire family, it's difficult to currently tap into any positive at the moment. The outlook of my health situation isn't good either and the uncertainty surrounding everything just makes me anxious. For over 15 years I've been able to manage my health situation well with the thought that I was invincible. Losing my brother took away that mental immunity I felt. From next year, I have to begin to seek better health care for myself, but waiting at the moment seems really hard, it's messing up my mind and I cannot seem to do anything, or be overly productive, it sucks and I cannot begin to describe the sleeplessness, knowing that something is wrong and the fear of a progressing prognosis.
It's visibly scary and today was the worst. I spoke to a few people today, and they asked me to live like there was no tomorrow. However, this isn't me. While I immediately want to stop thinking of my predicaments, I still fear developing a worse prognosis as the day goes by. It's a fickle thing to be burdened by sorrow and then worry about health issues. I eat and sleep poorly, and still, I haven't completely recovered from having over 2 g/dl of blood drawn from me for various tests, blood is vital to someone like me, as lack of it signals worsening complications, and this is why I'm stressed.
Oh, it's almost Christmas, but to me, it's another countdown, 3 months after the death of my brother, it feels unreal, and I still have crazy dreams that leave me in tears whenever I wake up. I currently cannot do anything for my mental health because of my worry. I haven't made any good decisions this year, and I still feel that it's why I'm messed up to date, but I've found solace in seeking God, and leaving everything to chance.
At the moment, I don't even think about the future anymore, and this is because I'm trying to fix the present. A lot of damage has happened, and the most devastating one has been to my mental health. It's no longer the time to deny anxiety disorder, and this is because most people in similar situations will do worse.
To people who have had a good year, all I can say is congratulations. It's officially the most terrible year of my life and I'm hoping next year will come good, and take away all the pain of this year. I hope to make better decisions for my health and I hope I can recover some of the damages done to my health, one day at a time.
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When it comes to waiting for what happens in life, the presence of anxiety always set in, and I understand that.
Those you spoke with that said you should life to the fullest know what they are talking about.
I know the feeling of being depressed or the act of knowing that you have no prediction on what comes next. And that's how life treats us all, we don't know if we will see tomorrow, but we still hope. And I want you to hold on to that.
And, I agree with this part. What's the need for the future when the present is in disarray? You have to build your present to be able to look toward the future.
It's really hitting hard and the anxiety is probably the biggest of all. It's not like I don't have hope, but like you've said uncertainty is a terrible thing.
Not being able to think about the future is a terrible thing, it's low-key bad, because sometimes the hope of tomorrow even when you're struggling today keeps you going. However, not being able to "think" at all is bad, and .......
It is nice knowing you still hold strongly on Hope. It is a great way to continue living life.
Yes, not being able to think about the future isn't right, but not having the present secured is not good either. So, I get it.
It's really hitting hard and the anxiety is probably the biggest of all. It's not like I don't have hope, but like you've said uncertainty is a terrible thing.
Not being able to think about the future is a terrible thing, it's low-key bad, because sometimes the hope of tomorrow even when you're struggling today keeps you going. However, not being able to "think" at all is bad, and .......
Geez, I replied to this using inleo frontend, I can't believe it wasn't delivered. Smh.
Yes, uncertainty is terrible, and I am glad your hope isn't lost.
When the present isn't fixed, there's no need to dream of the future. We have to settle now to be able to work through later.
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Hello @josediccus and my blessings to you from Venezuela.
I am a doctor and I think I understand that you could be facing a clinical depression, so I would like to ask you to consider being evaluated with great respect by a health professional.
Logically, the losses you are talking about are very strong and painful, and always have a consequence of intense sadness, but it is always good to be evaluated medically before these, because we do not know if they could intensify.
It is not a cliché to tell you that everything passes; but yes, it is like that; although how close we are to the events can be a problem for the intensity of the emotions to go down; but it is good, at least to know that, little by little, these intensities of emotional pain will go down.
Here are many of us, willing to read you, to understand you and to accompany you in this, at least through the #hive platform.
Remember that, at the end of the day, we are all one big family that supports and reads each other.
Receive a big hug from me.
The health care system here is poor. I recently got a private hematologist who is mainly money driven. So I have been evaluated, the problem is, I haven't gotten appropriate medical care. It's just diagnosis with nothing concrete. The general hospital won't do anything. They prefer if you're at the point of death before they offer any real treatment.
I know what I'm going through and it's not just clinical depression. It's the pain of not getting appropriate treatment in the private and public sector I've consulted.
José, @josediccus, there are phrases in your publication that alert me.
I don't know if you could get a drug that is just brain food or precursor of brain substances that improve affect and help you think well about emotions called Sertraline or Mirtazapine. In many countries it is sold in pharmacies without any medical indication...
These brain vitamins, so to speak, are very good for improving mood. They are not miraculous because losses have to be lived and faced; but they help to improve the way of facing and understanding them.
Thank you for the concern and care. Haven't heard of such medications ever, but I'm definitely going to look them up. Medications are good, and to be honest, I'd kill for one that will relax the mind irrespective. Irrespective of everything, I still need to handle or tackle my typical health issues firstly, I mean, I'll have to eventually have to tackle them to know where I currently stand and going forward.
I hope you can get it and get a specialized health guide; we are far away.
Always the concern for the brothers who navigate in #hive should be part of our interactions, and I see it a lot around here.
We are at your service my friend; I send you my blessings; and you are commenting to update me on how you are doing @josediccus
The plan of making sure that you’re mentally and physically healthy in the coming year is a good one. Fight to survive!
That really sucks! Hang in there, it really does take a toll on the mental health when other stuff is going wrong. And on top of that losing your brother...
Just hang on in there, hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day, that's what keeps me going.
Thank you for your support always, that's it, I want to keep hanging in there and seeking for ways to better my life and situation. It's been a tough road, can't imagine I'd be here, it sucks.
It's kind of funny when you think about it. When you're young you feel immortal, then life has a way humbling us all! I hope today is at least a little better!
I Wake up with more anxiety and uncertainty, and it really affects my mental health
That's not good, anxiety is the not fun at all. I've been through it as well and some days I experience the same. I really try to distract myself anyway I can, or there are medication for anxiety worst case scenario. It's not easy to be worried about your health and grieving your brother at the same time. Just hang in the best you can, and if the anxiety is becoming a bigger issue you might ask your doctor for something to help the next time you see one.
True. The anxiety isn't good. I have antidepressants but I stopped taking them, I just feel like there's a lot I could be doing right now to help my health complications, and slowing that down is really not good, and I guess it's generally because I tend to overthink things. Trouble on every side and pain on every angle, I don't even know what to do anymore.
As for the doctor I'm using, I contacted the office yesterday and they said the hospital was on leave till mid January. I'm tired of the system already
True. The anxiety isn't good. I have antidepressants but I stopped taking them, I just feel like there's a lot I could be doing right now to help my health complications, and slowing that down is really not good, and I guess it's generally because I tend to overthink things. Trouble on every side and pain on every angle, I don't even know what to do anymore.
It stinks that the hospital is closed until January, that's horrible!
It's quite crazy though, tells you the intent of the hospital in the first place..... Money
Can't go wring here man. Always lean on Him!
Praying for you man, hope 2024 is a much better year for you!
Hope so too. Thank you for the words of encouragement and prayers, and I appreciate.
Keep stepping forward, holding your head up, and making the best with what you have.
Thank you, I'll definitely do that
You're most welcome and good to hear. !LUV !HUG
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If there still life there still hope, some how you will find the strength to overcome this harsh moments you are going through, probably the first thing to figure out is how to stay mentally stable as it only make the rest of the problems worst, we are all here for a reason, may be there are still things you need to achieve and try to focus on the positive things, stay strong, time will help you heal, I have seen it happen and its not easy but over all try to stay strong, hope you the best 💪
life can get us down for sure but there are things to look forward to and strive for. You have to find your updated purpose in life after the losses of your family. Getting into faith can really help right now because it helps when times are good but also when times are tough.
Hang in there man!
Well, battling on two fronts is something I really won't want, but unfortunately that's my new reality. I haven't had the time to properly grieve before having to face my own health complications, and this makes it unfair.
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Having a good year will not necessarily take away the pain of this extremely difficult year that you've had; rather, if you allow it, this year will help you build the experience to navigate future difficulties better. Losing family members is something that will stick with you forever... and I do wish you the strength to be able to focus on the positive aspects of what you had.
At the same time, remember that we're here for you, brother.
Keep in touch... maybe we'll find a way to arrange for you to come to the US when you're better able to afford it. It's easier to get healthcare fully covered here than in many other places.
You're right, no one ever forgets their family and the loss, it's something that sticks with you for a very long time. it's even more painful now that health issues are beginning to suffice, but what can I do? I haven't gotten the health care I want and I cannot currently afford one in another place, but I'm hopeful. Keeping the hope alive is the only thing I can currently do at the moment
Yes, I heard this, and I don't know how true it is, especially with the cost, expenses as well. I'll keep in touch
This year have been terrible for you. The lost and illness, they are unwanted transitions and occurances, we hate but next year will be better brother.
Hi @josediccus, for the past one month now, you have not make a thread and engage more with InLeo despite being active on Hive Blockchain. You can still explore it for more promotion and interaction. See you soon
You are right on track, It is good as you are focusing on your present because it out of here that the future can stand firm. Leaving the present to focus on the future can be destruction.
And when I saw this, I knew you all is going to fine because one with God is always a winner. You will definitely get strong and better.
Well the present is full of illness and complications and that's probably the reality that needs tackling before any other one. There's probably no future without the present, and that's even applicable in all works of life. It's not a place I want to be. Suddenly life happens and nothing to do about it.
Thank you for your kind words
Oh my, Jose. This is so sad to read through. My condolences on losing your brother. I hope I will never lose one of mine. Being the eldest that should be the order. I can not imagine the pain you must be feeling.
Work on the present. You can not change the past, and you can not see the future, the only moment you can do something is the now.
I hope that 2024 brings a good change for you! All the love! Solymi
Thank you, definitely no one wishes to lose their family. It happens and sometimes nothing anyone can do. Thank you for your well wishes and kind words.
I think focusing more on the present and making it better is a good way to go. The future is always uncertain and thinking what will happen doesn't help or do much. It'll take time to process and recover from past experiences but whenever there's a will, there will be a way. I pray next year becomes much better for you in all aspects of your life :)
Thank you, I'm working towards that as it hasn't really been an easy road or an easy journey for me, but I'm doing my best to maintain a saner frame of mind in the middle of everything.
It sucks to hear that it's the worst period of your life. However, I do think you can overcome this and I hope that it comes soon. Maybe getting out of Nigeria and trying to find a new goal in life to move your life around.
It sucks too, and in my wildest imagination, I didn't think it could turn out this way, but I guess that's life.
This time that happens is very sad especially when last year those people are with us and they have celebrated this day with us happily and this year they are not there then one feels very sad to think of them. And it spends time in trouble.