The Paradox of Overfamiliarity || Navigating Familial Love

Funny how coincidences work. Just this afternoon, I watched a reel about what happens to astronauts when they come back to Earth after being in space for quite some time. It said that it takes them approximately two weeks to one month to learn how to walk again. Some astronauts faint often, while others forget about gravity, dropping things mid-air, expecting them to float. They do this subconsciously, by the way.

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Honestly, no job is easy, but for astronauts? Kudos to them! I can’t imagine how it must feel to constantly disconnect and reconnect with everything that makes us human.

Speaking of things that make us human, it is indisputable that connection; through friendship, community, and relationships is one of the most important things that keep us together.

@minismallholding wrote an incredibly beautiful piece on this.

Why Are We Losing Our Community Connections

And even days after reading her article, I still can’t get it out of my head. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t want to give you spoilers, I think you should check it out yourself and be as wowed as I was (and still am) by the true yet thought-provoking points she made.

I mentioned in a comment on that post that, as much as we may love our families, sometimes it is easier to love them from afar. This is because of something I like to call "over-familiarity."

For instance, an elder sister wears her younger sister’s clothes, and the younger sister gets upset and says something like, “Please, I want to wear that outfit tomorrow. Take it off, you can wear something else from my wardrobe.” Even if the younger sister says it in a lighthearted manner, the elder sister will probably feel offended and maybe even embarrassed.

This example addresses wardrobe issues, but over-familiarity can manifest in much more annoying ways and situations. Where there are no boundaries, there are bound to be insults which then leads to conflicts. This overfamiliarity thing doesn’t just happen within families, it happens among friends and even in workplaces where there is little to no work ethic.

Now, does this mean that families should create boundaries with familiarity? If so, what then is the difference between family members and strangers if you have to constantly watch a line with your family?

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My opinion is that families should be comfortable with overfamiliarity. Your family is supposed to know you better than anyone else. And even if not better than anyone else, you should at least be comfortable enough to be yourself and let your guard down around them. However, for relationships to thrive, everyone needs to have self-respect. I believe that with self-respect, there will be fewer things to feel embarrassed about. Only then can everyone exist in their space and still co-exist with their family members in peace.

This understanding didn’t come to me until last year though. I was never really home because I was constantly traveling to different locations, not by choice, I must add. Before then, I never really cared about spending too much time with my family. The little time I spent at home was always scheduled, a “home for one week, pack my bags by the weekend” kind of thing.

However, traveling around and never really spending time with my family last year did something to me. The instability made me not only miss but also crave my family so much. It made me question how well I’d cope if I had to travel out of the country and not see my family for years. Just that one year, and I missed them so much.

Last year made me question whether I truly liked being alone as much as I thought I did. It also gave me the clarity that I love being alone while also having people in my space. For example, I would love to live with my mom and siblings, each having our personal rooms, but when I see a funny video online, I can laugh all the way to the other person’s room and show them.

Thank God for technology. My family and I are not the type to call one another every day. But during my travels, technology helped us stay connected. First, I was able to share my live location with them, so I didn’t have to feel alone. They followed and monitored me throughout my journey, which I’m grateful for.

Secondly, WhatsApp calls. Sometimes voice calls, other times video calls. Our video calls, especially with my mom, are always hilarious. She always tries to take screenshots of moments when you’re looking funny.

Usually, when I get back home after a trip, the first person to always welcome me is my brother. He either comes to open the gate for me or meets me at the door. Either way, I can already expect a bear hug, after which he helps me with my bags.

Next is my sister, if she’s home. She smiles so beautifully, and as much as she likes to pretend she doesn’t miss people, her smile when she sees you gives it away. She gives me a hug as well.

Then my mom. If she’s home, I already know she’ll be in the kitchen cooking some delicious meal, probably my favorite, in anticipation of my return. Her hug is the tightest and warmest. She’s so cheesy, that woman. If care is not taken, she’ll try to kiss me all over, smudging my entire face with lip gloss. 😂

My dad stays in a different state due to work, but if he was home when I was set to return from a trip, trust him to get his car ready two days before so he could come pick me up.

This picture was taken five years ago

Family, though they can be a pain in the behind, are all we’ve got. I love them so much and can’t imagine life without them. ❤️

Thank you for reading! :)

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