Take The Time...Start All Over

Have you ever taken the time to think about you? About what you can become? About who you can be? Ever taken the time to understand that the person right now is not the permanent you? We experience change everyday. There is no way that the person today was the person yesterday and will be the person tomorrow. Each moment, second, hour or day is fashioned to bring out the best in you.

I have this bad habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop when things begin to go great for me. In my mind, I tell myself that I am just getting ready and prepared to deal with the negatives when they finally happen when truthfully, what I am doing is responding to my fear. The fear that I am not good enough, that I do not deserve good things. Years facing disappointment and pain can do that to someone but I learned recently that it wasn't fashioned to break us. The whole experience was for a reason and it wasn't to break us.

I was listening to Tom Bilyeu and he said something that made me sit down and think. I thought real hard on who I am now and how I got here. My mind shifted and I visited a place in the dark I have been running away from; myself. I came face to face with the truth that despite all the growth I may have encountered, I was not living my best life. I wasn't giving my all. Something was still holding me back. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what would happen should things not work out. And with it, unbelief. I did not believe in myself or the things I could do. I did not believe that I could make a change and be different.

But why? Why was I this way? It all boiled down to my lack of confidence. So, I thought, what if...

It took a lot of effort to truly believe that this person isn't me. It took a lot of determination to channel my thoughts towards positive things and believe that I deserved all good things that happen to me. It took a lot of guts to accept my flaws and faults with the mindset that I am not perfect and I can still change. I have been putting a lot of thought into a business I want to start because that time has come. I am almost done with school.

But taking the time to sit alone with me made me realize that what I was starting wasn't going to be what I'd be forever. It was the first step to practicality on all I have read, heard and swallowed. Which means that failure is inevitable but not because I am stupid but because I am learning. This did a 360 degree for me. I am learning. Living in the moment and enjoying the process and having fun...

That wasn't how I saw it though. I always had the mindset that you need to be good at something before you can attempt it. Partly, that is true but it is not the whole truth. How would I become good at something unless I try, fail at it and then learn from my mistake? What I am beginning to understand is that I am not a rigid creation. No. I think I am beginning to fully understand the concept of being human. Being yourself.

This to me means that I have to give nothing less than my all. Because I wasn't placed here to be perfect. No. I am here to leave a mark. A print. Something that tells of how humane I was in not letting my failures get the best of me. I am the only me and if I want to embarrass myself and fail to learn, it is all on me. I am learning to divorce the thought of the outcome and just live in the moment. Taking the time to enjoy what ever it is I find myself doing. I am learning to think of myself in a better light and find comfort in the fact that I did my best.

I am learning that there is only one me and no form of comparison can re-create my code. See. I am learning that when God made me, he gave me a key to something. My own programming was entirely different from the rest of the world. Now, I may meet people who experienced the same things I did, might even share the same ideas but...they do not have that code. My code. They are not programmed to respond the way I do, to think the way I do or to even grow like I do. I am learning that if I would meet that woman I have dreamed of for years, I need to start being her and accept the hard truth that I DESERVE EVERY GOOD THING.

I have this bad habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things have been going so well lately. It is scary. So when the house came, a good job followed and I'm like whoa! What the hell is going on? I am not used to this.

And right. I wasn't but then I realized and recognized that all that has been happening are a product of my thoughts. It was as exciting as it was terrifying. This just goes to prove how powerful I am and how the shape of my life can be altered by only one factor; ME.

Kendrick Lamar said "It used to be me against the world until I realized it was me against me." This sunk big time when I heard it. I am the only one with the power as to how my life turns out. So I can either use my mind right, learn all over and start again, or I can continue being the victim of circumstances. I remember hearing someone say, "Until the clock strikes 00:00, the day ain't over yet."

I made up my mind to go a day at a time, a step at a time without fear. I mean I still get scared on occassion but I am not paralyzed anymore. I remember saying that I do not believe in coincidences. So, this happening at this point in my life is the universe telling me,
"You get what you put in. You attract what you give."

Have you ever taken the time to think about who you are? What have you learned so far?

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_{In the spirit of the ThoughtfulDailyPost collaboration with Dreemport. Read my partner @jhymi Here}

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