Scared Past

The night was thick and dark, probably should have entered midnight. I didn't even know what the time was saying. I laid on my side of the bed, sniffing my tears silently so as not to attract my sleeping siblings. I could feel the wetness of my pillow, and didn't really know how long I had been crying until I pressed the power button on my phone. The time showed 12:16 am on dot. Image by vecstock on Freepik

I forced myself to sleep and was woken by the impact of my alarm. The headache that followed immediately w I opened my eyes was intense. I forced myself off the bed and first went to drink a lot of water to help calm down a bit. When done with my necessary morning routine of cleaning the house and preparing breakfast and lunch for my younger siblings, I went ahead to wake everyone up for our regular morning devotion. It was past 6 in the morning at the time we started prayers.

I didn't notice my mom’s gaze on me during our prayers, not until we were done did she call for me. Anita.. I heard my name from the kitchen. yes mommy, my voice was as loud as the first call.
I hurriedly finished what I was doing in the kitchen and went to my mom’s room.

You sent for me mummy, I said , looking around to know if she would need help with anything. What happened to your face? I held my breath immediately that question went past my ears.

My face, I answered my mom with a straight face feigning ignorance. Mummy walked up to me examining my face with her hands and with concern written all over her, I felt guilty when I saw that look. You look pale and your eyes are swollen.
Oh my! My acting skills are top notch. I played it well by going over the mirror.

Chit.. I caused it internally, at first sight.

I stared at the girl in the mirror, her round and beautiful face was almost unrecognizable, dark spots were visible under my swollen eyes, I half smiled at my own looks, I soon realized mummy was with me and switched to behave normal. Luckily, my sad smile wasn't noticeable.

Oh mummy, I ate rice late last night, this should be the aftermath..I said placing my right hand on my forehead and my left hand resting on my waist.

Mrs Anastasia is an advanced woman who is in her mid fifties. Her feminine looks suits her age, sometimes was even mistaken as a woman in early 40’s. Her first and only daughter Anita, is said to be the younger version of her mother but in a more refined manner. Aside from her beautiful face, her portable feminine features made her an eyesore in the society and attracted both the good and bad guys her way.

Anita successfully made her mom believe the story of the rice to be the cause of her swollen eyes, it was an easy conviction since Mrs Anastasia believes in such things. I left the room to check on my younger brothers who were already prepared for school and went ahead to have my bath.

Left alone in my space, I turned on the shower almost immediately to cool off my shaking nerves. When I became calm again, I carefully widened my legs and put my left hand in between my feminine part with my heart beating faster than usual to felt myself. It was hard to accept.

He deceived me, he told me that it was just the tip going in and nothing more. How naive I was to stupidly fall into that trap. Thomas didn't rape me.

He was true to his words of just going with the tip and it has been so for months. I loved him so dearly and couldn't reject his plea for a tip. Thomas knew I loved him too much and took advantage of it. Our relationship was complicated. He told me he loved me too, but always called me a naive child who should be grateful for meeting him in this lifetime. The previous night I cried, which was the time I realized that I've lost my innocence to the person I loved but was full of regrets.

I called him after I had my bath, to hear Thomas' angry voice over the phone calling me an ingrate. He said so many hurtful words and hung up when he was done talking.

My precious Imagination of how my first time would be, was ruined on one single night, under the rushing shower I cried so hard once again.

It's been several years already. Thomas ended the relationship 2 years after that incident. I found difficulty in moving on for a long time until my path crossed with Janine, a young man in his early thirties. I didn't intentionally behave hard to get, it was really tough to get over my last experience until Janine was able to break through those walls and make me be at peace with myself.

I was able to move on from my hurtful past which now looks like the water under the bridge, all thanks to my patient and ever loving partner.