Is age just a number in relationships? my opinion
Before I got married, I had different kinds of suitors, both those that came through recommendations and those I had direct contact with. Some of these people were far older than me; I couldn't deal with the age gap, while some were within what I called the perfect age gap for me, which is a 3 to 8 year age difference. Now, two of these older men were very wealthy, with different assets across the state. I didn't have to process my decision about the proposal; rather, I declined immediately. I remember some of my relatives (older women), including my grandma, making every effort to convince me into getting married to any of those wealthy men with this popular saying that "age is just a number". They added by saying that it's even older men who know how best to pamper a wife, and I shouldn't think much about age but how comfortable I will be in the marriage considering the money. In all of these cases, it didn't change my decision.
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Why
Over the years, there has been an argument regarding age as a factor to be considered in marriage. Some people do not see it as a barrier to relationships, while others care about age differences in relationships. Every family starts with marriage, and hence, marriage remains the most important institution in our society. So I see this relationship decision as a sensitive issue that requires so many factors to be considered. We are not entering relationships only for procreation; a man or woman you want to reunite with forever in your life should be a very close friend, gist partner, gossip partner, lol, etc. In my opinion, when the age gap becomes too high, establishing a good rapport and free communication between the couple will go on a rocky path. I feel the reasoning may not align all the time, and that would interfere with the supposed close relationship. I know that maturity isn't determined by age, but viewing it from a respect aspect, issues will arise and one partner will remind the other that he or she is older. This commonly happens when the age difference is large.
What I think about dating or marrying someone who is ten to fifteen years older than you
For guys, imagine dating or marrying a lady older than you by ten to fifteen years. Well, the truth is that few women might still offer respect to the man of the house, but the majority of my gender wouldn't do so for a long time before showing themselves. There could also be a communication gap, although it depends on personality. Personally, I wouldn't date or marry a man older than me by 15 years. I care so much about my future kids and how they will have an old-age dad at their tender age. I care about the possible unforseen authoritative leadership at home due to the age gap. I trust most of our African men to talk to their spouse however they want, especially when the age gap is in the picture. I care about how I may not have my own respect in my home as a result of the age difference.
However, all this boils down to the kind of man or woman you married or are dating. Some men can actually be nice, accommodating, and respectful, while others will display a negative attitude to show superiority. Talking to such a man may require that you do rehearsal first, but then...a friend of mine who married a man 15 years older than her is experiencing paradise on earth since 2014 till date; the connection, respect, and understanding exist between them, whereas another of my friends who married a man 20 years older than her lives like cat and dog with the man since 8 years ago. Her expectations of marrying an older man who would take care of her more weren't met. The money the man has, she has no access to. The man talks to her like a child; I am not seeing any respect among them, and this has led my friend to a deeper regret.
Is it taboo, or do you not care?
I don't think it's taboo to marry someone far older than you; it should just be a choice, and no law or tradition says we shouldn't marry because of age, but personally, I care about a man's age before venturing into marriage. (An example: a man old enough to be my dad cannot be my husband.)
What matters in a relationship like that?
For those who do not care, what matters should be the love, connection, and understanding between them.
Why would you consider it, or why would you not?
Well, I wouldn't consider it because I feel I would be ruled by a man in my own home due to how old he is instead of having a good rapport as friends to work out our marriage although there are individual differences, not all men will do so.
In conclusion, marrying someone with a closer age difference doesn't guarantee a perfect marriage; the same applies to marrying an older partner. Whichever is your choice, your decision should be based on the love, connection, and understanding that exist between you both. With this, you can have a cool marriage with your chosen partner.
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Rightly said, even though it has worked for some, there are others who still live with regret to why they married someone much older. As long as one's heart doesn't accept the difference, it's preferable not to go into it. It's even worse when it comes to a guy marrying someone older than him
This is it... it's not a decision to make anyhow to avoid regrets. One really need to think deep into what he or she is going in for
Thanks for coming through
Rightly said and you're welcome
I like your post.
I think that if the age gap is too large then the marriage is mostly doomed.
My wife asks me if I would remarry if she were to die. I tell her no. One of the major reasons is that I'm not attracted to old women and I would have nothing in common with a young woman. As a result there wouldn't be anyone for me to marry.
Sure I might be able to find someone who wants me for money or at least financial stability. However, while I could provide that a relationship based on money and finances holds no allure to me either.
Result: I'll never marry again.
Can you happily marry outside your age bracket? Probably not. Different energy levels. Different world views. Different perspective. Too many differences to overcome.
The reason I say mostly is that there are always exceptions. God can make any couple work. If both husband and wife have the same goal and that can be accompished regardless of the age. If they go into the marriage understanding the difference then maybe...
....but not likely
Oh my goodness 🤭
I really love and love your great addition to this post
I should have probably added these great points here... indeed difference in so many things which may not bring proper alignment to the couples
God forbid, if anything should happen to your wife and you decide to marry a young girl, the person will accept only because of money......it will be rare to find people with genuine love with so much large gap in their age if they should be truthful
I like Ur view on this as well 😇 ✅
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I like your thought process. It doesn't matter the age difference if there is no mutual understanding or at least, a form of connection between both of them. They most be willing to grow together and not let the concept of age get in the way at the long run.
Exactly Deraa. Thanks for your insightful comments here. Much appreciated 👍
I really appreciate the curation
Love this 👆🏽!
Very true and as I was reading I was thinking this very same thing.
I never really looked at age when I was desiring to be married. For me it was always about wanting a likeminded man whom I was equally yoked with. I’ve always been attracted to people around my age but the main factor was always making sure I only went for a God fearing man.
Reading your post makes one aware that the culture you’re in plays a big part in this. I’ve read before that it’s common for men (I’m sure it’s not all men but only some) in Africa to treat their wives as a child and have this high authority over them. It seems that if the mindset is already this way that age difference wouldn’t even matter because it’s already an issue.
I think about my grandparents and how people back then were marrying 20 years apart. I couldn’t imagine marrying someone 20 years older for reasons as you have stated in this post. I’ve always imagined me growing old with my husband and not having to take care of someone elderly who is aging way before me.
When all is said and done if you love someone and feel that person is right for you, the age factor is not an issue. But if you are going in for the wrong reasons and marrying just for financial sake then that’s where the problems occur and things will crumble.
I’m glad to know you are not seeking to marry just for financial stability. Go You! 😉🙌🏽
Nice read ~
You heard right ma, this is common among our African men. Some of them exercise their high authority over women especially when the age gap is much.
Same experience with my mum, and before my siblings and I started growing up, my Dad was already ageing and later died living only my mum to take care of us..
We have same mindset here... 💕😘
I agree with you ma, marrying rightly, not for wrong reasons saves the day despite the age
Wow... thanks for your thoughtful comment @crosheille . I really appreciate this
Oh wow. So your family experienced the effects first hand. Do you remember him? I guess my question is were you old enough to remember your dad?
Absolutely. Always a pleasure visiting your blog ~ 😊
Yes, we did experience it
Of course I remember my dad but we didn't have enough quality time together before he started getting sick consistently due to old age and then he died
I really appreciate your visit and your massive support to my post
God bless you ma❤️
I understand that. Very sorry to hear that you lost him.
Anytime dear friend ~ ❤️
Ayyy... This is so important! It is just too important that both individuals in a relationship share the same values and are equally yoked. And without God, I really don't know anymore.
Speaking of culture, yes, in a way it does look like the man should have authority of his wife and home. It's not exactly implied that way, but certain men take it too far, and then it becomes a problem.
That's another angle some people miss. But then, the relationship may be far from sweet.
I'd like to say that, yes, age shouldn't be an issue is the person is right, but I think it's entirely different with men's perspective. I think there are a lot of issues with a man marrying a woman that's 15 years older. What do you think?
Yes to this 👆🏽🙌🏽!!
Our household is ran biblically where my husband is head of our household. The difference is he doesn’t exhort his authority and belittle me. Instead he allows and values my opinions and sound advice and for that I am truly thankful and grateful. So I agree that the authority aspect can be sometimes taken out of hand and become a form of abuse/disrespect.
As far as the age is concerned of men marrying older woman I think it would be similar issues that arise just as for a woman marrying an older man. For instance the concerns of health with aging etc.
What an admirable home you have. I'd like for mine to be blissful too, when I do get married someday.
Have a great weekend!
Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s truly a blessing. I hope it’s granted to you to have that some day as you desire ~ 😉
Enjoy your weekend as well!
In the case of marriage, age does not matter if the understanding between husband and wife is very well but at the same time, the male is not mature enough compared to the female also. They face various kinds of problems but it's not necessary that everyone will face it.
15 years difference seems huge in my opinion. But I prefer the highest 10 years difference seems ok.
Age shouldn't be a problem if it's not too much difference but it becomes a concern when the age gap is way too much
All In all, no one should enter into marriage with wrong reasons
I really appreciate your visit 👍
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Age is a number. Maturity Is what define us.
This is true, but when it comes to marriage, the age gap shouldn't be too much. Like you said, there are some people who marry people other than them and enjoy paradise while others are in hell . That's human for you.
Either old or young. Just marry someone kind, loving, respectful, faithful, and that has other qualities you want in a man. Someone you can gist with and come up with your languages(hehe, those slang that only you both understand). It makes the mind beautiful.
Hahaha
You got the gist nne oma ❤️
That's just how it should roll
Thanks for coming through
Hehe, thank ya sweety pie🤩
Age isn't just a number to me oh, especially when you consider angles from a man's perspective. In a case where the woman is 15 years older, na wahala be that oh.
There are things like personality difference, family and friends, and the dynamics of the relationship like raising a family that should be looked at.
For me, it's a big no. I can't even imagine it.
Now, I am going to arrange for a charming beautiful damsel, 10 years older than you... very wealthy and loving..let me check something... just to know...
If my jay will consider her or not
Let me start going immediately 🚶🚶🚶
This is a very educative point of view for we that are still singles. The points you shared are really valid and worth emulating.
#dreemport
Thanks my dear
Overall, it all depends on our choices 😉
You know, marriage can be very tricky, one mans food could be another another's poison so in the end age could just be a number and age again might just matter
Exactly..I get Ur point
We are entitled to our choices remember
I think it all boils down to the question, "what exactly do you want? " " What are you looking for ? "
You have spoken eevrything in my mind and I totally agree with you on this! Having a good rapport with your partner is just a path you would never regret honestly because it will allow one to be free to express themselves to each other! I came in from dreemport as a #dreemer!
Awwwwww 🥰
Thanks for agreeing with me on this my fellow dreemer