Trust and Boundaries in Marriages with Children from Previous Relationships

Relationships and marriages can sometimes be complicated, and one of the reasons this happens is when one of the partners has a child. I've had the privilege of seeing this firsthand from people around me, and I can tell you for a fact that most people tend to want to avoid getting into a relationship with someone that already has a child, be it a man or a woman. I for one must admit I've got the same ideology, but then I've got some terms that could make me change my mind regarding this, and I'll be talking about it and many more extensively in this article.

You see, while marriage is a beautiful thing and one of the most important aspects of our society, it's highly essential for an individual to get it right in marriage, and how does one get it right in the? It's by getting the right partner that, when you're with the right partner, your marriage life tends to be heaven on earth, filled with loads of pleasant experiences, shared moments, and experiences, but on the advent of being with the wrong person, then life tends to be miserable for the individual, who you'll see not thrill to go home after their day job for fear of what awaits them at home.

Love is a beautiful thing, and I want to have such feelings of knowing I'm loved and cherished by someone else, but in a situation of getting into a relationship with someone who has a child before getting married to me, it's somewhat complicated and hard to accept for me given the numerous experiences I've seen from those around me, and I'll talk about a few of them below.

I can remember one of my neighbors back then getting married to a lady who already had a child, and while their marriage seems to be moving on fine, one thing seems out of place in their relationship, and that's in the aspect of the child. Given the fact that the woman's child has another father, this gives room for the other man to use the excuse to visit them or the lady to visit him with his daughter, so they can have a father-and-child moment.

The downside of this is that it led to healing old wounds between the lady and her ex, who's the father of her child, and before you know it, they ended up smashing despite the fact that she's married to another man. This goes on for something until the husband finds out and it crumbles their marriage. Now this isn't something I'll like to experience, and that's why I'm conscious about going into a relationship with such types of ladies.

Another of such experiences I witnessed was how it goes on to lead to comparison between the previous man and the current husband. I remember one lady in my neighborhood back then would find every excuse to compare her husband to her former husband, leading to the man having a mental breakdown and the like. I mean, someone married you despite your lapses, and yet you're making their lives miserable by comparing them. If the other man was good enough, why then did you leave him in the first place?

Well, to cut the long story short, like I said, I don't buy the idea of marrying someone with a child before me, and the only reason I will maybe consider going into such a relationship or marriage is if the other man is ready to let go of his child forever, meaning the child will change his or her name to mine and would see me as their father, never to be approached by the other man.

Or if the lady in question would let the man have the child if he refuses to let the child be mine completely, then she'll also have to agree to forget about the child, letting her move to her biological father. It's not like I don't like the child, but on most occasions, and from my experience with those around me, I've seen that such a child just happens to be a bridge that links the other partner back to their ex, leading to unnecessary distractions, relationships, and the like that can ruin the marriage.

So with that being said, that's my opinion and my only reason why I'll get married to someone who already has a child. I don't want to be a stepfather and see that as an avenue that'll break my home, so it's either the child completely becomes mine or is completely left to the biological father, never to be approached by my wife.

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All photos are mine.

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