Wants And Needs

So there’s this thing about African mothers where you tell them the price of something you want to buy or do for them, and they ask you to give them the money. I don’t know if it’s all African mothers, but my mom does this a lot.

I would tell her I’m ordering something for her, and then she would ask about the price. The moment she realizes the price could actually provide her with something she needs, she would ask for the money rather.

Let me give you a real-life example. So my mom’s birthday was last Saturday, and I wanted to throw a big, yet intimate dinner party for her. We planned everything verbally, and then on the D-day, you know what happened? She told me to hold on.

I was a little confused in the beginning, but I later assumed she probably didn’t like the venue. So I then asked if we should change the venue or even the menu. I told her it was her day, so she should let us know whatever she wanted. But she only asked us to hold on to any payment.

I waited the whole day, and all she did was to tell me to wait. At that moment, I was getting angry because I had invited some people to come celebrate with us, and they kept asking me, “What’s up?”

Later that night, she told me that she wants me to give her the money for the dinner party. I was already not in the mood so I just gave her the money with her birthday gifts and went to bed. The following day, she asked me to accompany her to a “place.”

I was curious but I didn’t say anything because I was giving her the silent treatment. We later got our destination and I realized it was mall for bags of different kinds. We entered the shop and she began choosing certain bags. I later asked her what they were for and she said they were for us.

She then reminded me that we’ve both been needing a spacious, nice, and good bag for work, but because we are both busy, we haven’t even paid attention to that need. So knowing that the bag she was going to get us was very durable and expensive, she decided to save the money for the dinner party we wanted and spend it on something we actually needed. It made so much sense why she was a mother and I, a daughter.

After she got the bags, I could see her face beam with the widest smile ever, and I felt fulfilled. Because the whole point of the dinner party was to see her smile. And in that moment, my anger began fading away.

Through this experience, I’ve learned that although it’s fine to want all the nice things in life, it’s also important to take care of your needs first. Because sometimes after your needs are met, certain wants wouldn’t even exist anymore.