So I Gave Up

It’s been two years since we broke up. “Broke up?” No, I think I should say I was dumped. I’ve written about this before. I had a best friend two years back, and we were best friends for 7 years, and she threw me out of her place in the middle of the night. Blah blah. The story isn’t one I like to talk about for obvious reasons.

After that friendship, I found myself. It felt like there was a whole me that I didn’t even know because I was living under the shadow of someone. Is it under the shadow or in the shadow? I don’t know. Let’s continue. So yeah, I found out I was a totally different person behind the person I was for validation.

Somewhere last year, I got a text from this person apologizing for “what happened, even though she didn't know.” I haven’t fully grasped the concept of gaslighting, but I believe she was setting a gaslight trap for me where I would reply and then she would tell me it was all my fault. It already happened months before that text, so I knew she was back to do it this time.

So instead of having a real conversation, I replied with “okay” and then kept replying to her messages because it looked like she was trying to be friends. I also started checking in on her sometimes. I mean… if I’m being honest, sometimes, it wasn’t genuine, so I stopped.

But just last month or so she texted me about wanting to be friends like how we were and all.I knew there was no way we were going to be like before, but I just agreed to what she said, hoping we could actually even be acquaintances.

And I’ve tried. I’ve been trying. I know it’s not my best, but I know I tried at least. And it didn’t work out. I’m at a point where I’m so happy with the kind of circle I have, and also, my soul has seen so much peace, and the beauty of it isn’t even allowing anything that looks like a threat to invade that space.

Normally, I would be so sad writing such a post but as I write this, I feel so…so…happy? No, that’s an understatement of what I feel. But then whatever is happening to me makes me proud that this time, my mind, soul, and all that is within me are on a serious battlefield against this friendship.

All my life, I’ve always hated to hear anything about giving up, but this time? I nobly give up this acquaintanceship or friendship or whatever to be shipped for my peace of mind. walks away in a pair of 4-inch stilettos with her head high