Learning To See The Good

Somewhere last year, I wrote about my toxic trait being a provocative critic. I also explained how it happened in the first place, but for the sake of those who missed it, let me give you a summary. My childhood was filled with academic expectations from my parents and siblings. I was that child who was always expected to come home with A pluses. So anytime I got anything less, my parents would scold me without acknowledging my other wins.

It was always like that with me so I grew up unconsciously taking it up. I remember how I would just jump on the first chance to say all the wrongs about something my friends had done until they weren’t even coming to me for my opinion again.

But let me tell you all something that happened after writing that post. I always knew I had that trait and it was toxic, but that particular day, I decided I wanted to change. I decided that I didn’t want to be that friend or sister who only saw the bad side of everything.

I began learning what to replace provocative criticism with and found out if I really wanted to criticize, then I had to learn how to be constructive about it. For months, I took my time to reorganize my thoughts about things before saying them. I would normally begin by acknowledging their efforts and works before saying what I really think.

One powerful thing I’ve learned is silence. I’ve learned that sometimes, it’s not even necessary to have a comment or say what you think. Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally fine to have an opinion but you don’t have to always express it. This has definitely helped me in my growth journey and to be honest, I’ve realized that people now want to always hear what I think because I barely even share my thoughts on issues.

Just today, I was showing something I worked on to my friend, and he began by telling me not to even think of looking for flaws in what I had done. I asked what he meant, and he said he knows me well enough to know I'd probably drawn a chart in my mind explaining in a thousand ways how I could have done better.

I laughed and told him that wasn’t the case and I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was only admiring my work. His facial expression was enough to tell me he was shocked to hear that coming from me. I understand him because most times, I’m the first to condemn my own works no matter how good they are.

I’ve always known that change isn’t an easy thing, and now that I’ve experienced it, I can attest to it. It’s not easy, but when you get what you are looking for, it’s always worth it.