Actual Card Text of GU Cards
While I was big into HS back in the day, I remember coming across some of these Actual Card Text posts on Reddit and thought they were pretty funny and reflected the many players' sentiments to certain cards. Here's my light-hearted attempt at some creating some "actual card text" for GU cards. Enjoy!
Canopy Barrage
Somehow, Canopy Barrage always hits the shittiest targets when you play it while simultaneously always hitting the correct creatures when played against you.
Underbrush Boar
Well, I don't necessarily disagree...
Out of Its Misery
Sadly, the -1 health nerf to Orcish Elite means there are no more 6/9 jokes to be made here.
Magic Missile Launcher
I actually thought this was the card text for Magic Missile Launcher for the longest time until my opponent actually used its last charge while having creatures on the board.
Carnage Sweep
"Fuck you." as its actual card text is a close second.
Radiant Dawn
Consider me a salty TCG player, but the very few times that I played BWD as Zoo Light, Radiant Dawn never showed up in my hand.
Dreaming Sceptre
I've noticed that most time my opponent plays this relic, I usually get a good chance to finish him off with its ability. 4 "free" creature removals come at a cost 😉
Miraculous Familiar
I've gotten absolutely unusable cards from this damn owl many times. I fondly remember the one time it generated me a Lead the Charge while I had an equipped Pallas' Wand - "If you have a relic equipped, set the strength of your creatures equal to the relic’s strength. Otherwise, draw a card.". Thanks, but no thanks.
Portal Wrangler
Not as prevalent now, but the one time you face the Portal Wrangler combo deck is enough to sear this image into your mind for a long while.
Hope you enjoyed this light-hearted take on some GU cards!
Cards created with https://www.gucustom.cards/. Card art taken from Gods Unchained.
Hahahahaha liked it a lot man, but the Texts I liked the most are: "Kill yourself after 4 turns" and the Canopy Barrage texts...
I think this is needed to kind of deal with some frustration of ours about RNG hahaha, and it sure helps! Plus I haven't already seen these. 😁
Haha yeah, we tend to remember the worst of RNG when it happens to us but forget about the times that we've lucked out heavily 😂 Thanks for stopping by, glad you enjoyed these!
lol that was hilarious
😂 Glad you enjoyed these!
It is so funny how RNG always seems to work against you. But then for your opponent it is like he has the magic touch or something. Another solid article man keep up the great work. I am hoping I am going to be feeling well enough this week to make my first post in a while!!!
It's just that we tend to remember the bad RNG times but forget about all the times when it works in our favor 😂 Thanks, and looking forward to your upcoming post! Glad you're feeling better 😄
The Radiant Dawn text is so relatable. :D
Relic removals also need to have a similar text -- e.g. If your opponent has a relic, this card is in the bottom 8 cards of your deck. :D
Avaraxus is another card that comes to mind that should have an "actual" text.
You're absolutely right, relic removal is another one of those pesky cards 🤣 Maybe you can create your own version with these additions.
Its actually so funny that it does happen! I am laughing hard on these actual texts!
I am going to get just a bit tiny serious though and say for those that actually believe that you know you are the only ones that these kind of things happen to in the game - you are not. Just when we play we tend to remember the times that it went badly and so we say "Why do I never hit the 50/50 ?" Well, you do , its just you don't want to keep that you do.
So enjoy the game , bless the RNG and what happens happens - its a game and its a great one!
Cheers on the texts kephler you nailed it! :D
Yeah, RNG happens to everyone whether we like it or not, just that we tend to focus on the times we get insanely bad luck and post everywhere - "WTF devs, this shit is rigged, pls fix???!!!"
Thanks for stopping by, glad you enjoyed them!
rofl some funny shit in here :D
I laughed at every one. GGz
Loved these. nicely done 😀
Out of Misery puts me into Misery when they play a turn 2 5/9 Pyramid Warden.
Yeah, if Out of its misery pulls any 2/4 or 2/6 on turn 1 you know it's gonna be an uphill battle 😂