Building self!

I still remember that moment like it happened yesterday, I could see myself standing in that hall filled with pupils. It was as if words were being drained out of me, as I stood like a statue, staring directly into the eyes of those looking at me from a distance; I could hear them whispering; I couldn't detect the exact words they uttered, but when they started laughing I knew something was wrong. The next words I heard were:

"Tari, go and sit down," thought the voice came from above to rescue me from the situation I found myself in. When I turned around, it was the teacher telling me to retire back to my seat. I got to my seat, and I could still feel my legs shaking and vibrating like it's been shocked by electricity.

I got home that afternoon with tears in my eyes; the moment Mum saw it, she knew something had happened.

"What happened?" She asked coming to hug me.

"Nothing happened," I replied, trying to wear a fake smile on my face.

"You were asked to talk in class right?" Mum said with a soft tone to calm my nerves down.

I became speechless; the only words that were roaming my head at that moment were, "Why did my mum know me so well?" To the point that I can't even pretend for a bit.

"You have to come out from that shell of yours and learn how to talk in class; you need to be facing the crowd." Mum continued as she tried to convince me to build my self-esteem.

Growing up, I've always had a fear of speaking in public places; often, my mother would tell me to come out from that shell I was hiding, "What shell, please?" But then no matter how hard I try to put to practice her words, I would find myself falling back.

I've always been a child of few words. I only become talkative when I'm around people who make me feel comfortable or, you can say, "my comfort zone". I love my comfort zone because it makes me feel safe, and it allows me me to be whoever I want without pretense.

Everything about my life was going smoothly till something happened that changed all of that. There was this day my teacher gave an assignment, and thinking that was all, she went further into saying "Every student would come out and do a presentation on the assignment" These words sounded more like a setup "my teacher was trying to set up" deep down I wasn't happy even when the others were jubilating "I wasn't".

Source Link

Got to the house that day and told my mum about the presentation

"You can do it," Mum said.

I didn't respond to that. I just got into the room, had my bath, and slept off without taking anything into my stomach. The weekend came and I've started preparing for the presentation.

The weekend did its thing and passed, faced with the beginning of the new week and my presentation following suit. I finally got to class that morning, and it was time for the presentation, where I was seated, I could feel my whole body dancing to an unknown song, "Shaking," after a few minutes, I was called by the teacher for my presentation.

I stood up and walked slowly to the front of the class, brought out my book, and started talking when the teacher said, "The class can't hear you please speak louder." I had to increase the tune of my voice, and after a while, I noticed I was becoming a lot calmer than when I started. I could see myself flowing with every word I was pronouncing; I wasn't staring at the students seated because mum said I should pretend like no one was watching me, I was just concentrating on the book I was holding and was focusing on the next words to utter.

When I finished my presentation, the whole class started clapping, that's when I knew I had done something unique. After I was done, I walked back to my seat without vibrating or any form of shaking, when I sat down, someone from the back tapped me and said, "You did well." Immediately, I started feeling butterflies dancing in my stomach like I won a lottery.

That moment not only blew away the fear I had of public speaking but also created a sense of accomplishment in me.

Got home that day feeling whole and bright like a star. Mum looked at me and could tell the presentation went well without me uttering a word to her.

Thanks for reading 🧡