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"No way" I screamed, looking at the television.
It was the weekend and there I was seated in my living room, enjoying a freshly made bacon and some coffee I had just made. I turned on the television wanting to catch up on my favourite TV morning show, The Friends. They usually aired it by 9 am, and I was over thirty minutes late. The Friends was a TV series about three young teenagers who were just trying to navigate and find themselves in this demanding society of today.
As I sat peacefully on the couch watching the entertaining program, the news popped up on Tv interrupting the program.
"Breaking news" it said.
" Yet again, there's been another incident of a missing person, Julie Anderson" the media person continued speaking. A picture of the person was displayed on screen and I couldn't help but gasp.
" We have reason to believe that this is a kidnapping case. We desperately call on the town police to look into this series of missing people that has been going on and on in this town."
At that moment, I had stopped listening to whatever was being said on the news. I knew Julie Anderson. She was the cashier at the town's supermarket. I had passed by her house just last night on my way back from work. Her house was a few blocks from mine. She was standing outside her house trying to take out the trash when I passed by and greeted her. We exchanged pleasantries and then I went my way.
How could she be missing? I thought. Julie Anderson was such a sweet young girl. Everyone knew her. These series of kidnappings was definitely getting out of control. I thought
Switching off the television, I decided to do a low-key investigation concerning these missing people, the detective in me taking full control.
" Hello Ronnie". I called an old friend in the town's police force
" Hello Emily, it's good to hear your voice, how are you doing" he asked.
" I'm good. I was hoping you could do me a tiny bit of a favor", I asked him.
" You've not changed one bit, always so straight to the point."
I smiled at that. " I guess you know me better than anyone" I replied.
" So what's this favour?"
" Well, I need the profiles of all the people that have gone missing in this town" I said.
" And what do you need that for" he asked.
" Well, I'm just bored, decided to do a little bit of snooping around like, old times remember?"
" Well, you're the one who decided to quit, remember?"
" Nah, I have had enough of the drama" I said dismissively.
" Well Emily, you know this is classified info, just make sure to stay clear of our investigation, understood?" He asked.
" Aye! , Captain" I replied playfully,
" Alright, I'll send them now" he said, cutting the call .
Getting into work, I went to my crime board. Having all the information I needed, I pinned down the pictures of all the missing persons on it, and started my investigation.
As days passed, I continued my investigation, keeping it on a low-key. Then I began to see the link. These cases weren't just some random kidnaps. Whoever did this had a personal motive behind it. It wasn't just for money as it usually used to be. This kidnapper wanted to get revenge, my instincts were telling me. All the people missing were somehow connected. They all went to the town's high school. They were all classmates before they graduated and lived their individual lives.
As I continued my investigation, I got a lead on whom our kidnapper might be. Taking a bold step, I decided to pay him a visit.
" Knock! Knock " I tapped on the door.
I was greeted by an elderly woman in her mid-forties. Quickly introducing myself
"Emily Greyson, Detective from the town police, is your son in? " I asked.
" No he's not around, any problem."
" Not at all, just like to ask him a few questions. That's all. I guess I'll come back later."
As i made my way back to the road where I parked my car, I felt footsteps behind me. Itunes to my back but there was no one there. I continued walking but the footsteps became louder this time. Getting a bit nervous, I decided to run.
I ran till I bumped into Ronnie all dressed in his police uniform, doing his job at the check point.
" Hey hey hey, slow down, what's the problem" he asked, concern brimming all over his face.
'I think I'm being followed" I said, breathing heavily.
He looked at where I had just come from and even went to check it out, but there was no one there.
" What have you gotten yourself into this time around? " He asked, knowing me.
I filled him in about my investigation and the lead I had. He suggested coming to my house just to make sure I was safe, but I declined.
" If indeed the kidnapper is on my trail, I believe we should set a trap for him."
I Enlightened him on the investigation I have been carrying out and about my lead suspect. He listened to what I had to say and agreed to set a trap for him. The plan was for him to wait hidden at some distance near my house, watching if anyone would come to attack or kidnapp me.
Later that night, I heard a knock on my door. Hesitatingly, I Opened the door and instantly recognized the person as my lead suspect. immediately, he hit me on the head with a stick and I blacked out. I woke up the next morning tied up in a chair,with my mouth gagged with some clothes. I looked around to see I was in a strange abandoned warehouse. and the other missing persons were also there tied up in the same way I was, to a chair.
" You're finally awake" a young man spoke. It was Daniel Blake.
" You're the kidnapper" I said. I was right about my lead.
"You're not supposed to be here, if only you didn't snoop around," he said.
" Daniel, let them go and I promise you won't go to jail. We can fix this". I said as he was about to shoot one of the missing persons.
" There is nothing to fix, these people took my life away from me, "he said angrily.
Just then, the police car zoomed in, with Ronnie leading the team.
"Drop the gun, or I'll shoot", Ronnie said as the other officers went to free the missing persons.
Daniel was arrested, and the missing persons were freed. It turned out I was right. He was a psycho who wanted revenge for a small prank they made on him three years ago in high school that made him lose his scholarship.
hello @perfect20 your story had a decent hook. It drew me in but then it raced through the investigation to a close with no foreshadowing. In a whodunnit the reader wants to feel a part of the story, solving the mystery alongside the main character. In this story you exclude the reader and don't provide any clues. The reader wants the story to build suspense, and to introduce conflict and setbacks. They want to see relevant pieces of information being dropped along the way, so that when you reveal the kidnapper at the end, the reader doesn't feel cheated. When the identity of the kidnapper is revealed, the reader should be able to look back over the story and the clues and see that everything ties together and makes sense. When you reveal that Daniel Blake is the kidnapper, the reader is only hearing of him for the first time. You then fill in the backstory in your closing paragraph. For the reader to feel satisfied with the conclusion, they need to have been introduced to Daniel earlier in the story and to have slowly uncovered this information alongside your main character. I hope this makes sense. Your piece would also benefit from an edit to identify issues with spelling.
Your story is very interesting❤️.
Detectives are always in danger when solving cases such as this. It's nice the police arrived before any damage was done.
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I actually thought the kidnapper would be someone who I wouldn't suspect. It's a good read, but it was probably too fast for me.🥲
The setup was nice, but the end seemed hurried. But it is a good read.
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Thank you