Fiction: The threshold (ENG/ ESP)


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Pixabay

The threshold

As if attracted by a magnet, he moved towards the light in front of him. He did not know if he was walking or flying, but what was clear to him was that his body weighed absolutely nothing. When he was in front of the threshold, he crossed it decisively.

He immediately felt the difference. The atmosphere was icy, dark, with a strange smell, full of spectral cacti and arid soil. Suddenly he was surrounded by a circle of shadows that simply wandered without raising their heads. He felt like asking where he was, in fact he approached one of them, but when the man raised his face, he saw that where his eyes should have been, two huge holes appeared.

He felt afraid and cold, and without knowing why, he wanted to return to his mother's womb. So he lay down in fetal form among the rubble and began to hear opaque voices speaking inside his head:

"You are one of us, welcome"

"Try to let go so that everything will be quicker and shorter".

He didn't know what they were talking about, but he got up and resumed his journey. He saw that another group of shadows was ahead of him, so he decided to catch up, but as he ran to reach them, he fell into a deep and endless hole. As he descended, the cold ended and warmth came to him: at the end there were burning coals and clouds of smoke waiting for him.


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Pixabay

When he hit bottom, he discovered that he was now at the center of something and that thousands of eyes and hands were pointing at him. Black birds were flying above him and although he was out in the open, what he had over his head was not the sky, but a ceiling made of orange and black fire. At that instant he felt asphyxiated by the strong smell of sulfur and when he wanted to put his hands to his face, he realized that he was chained. On the other side of his hand, a fountain full of things was overflowing as if it were a rushing river. Among the things that were stuck were visions of the past.

He watched himself as a child run and go to school. The family home filled with busy, dirty rooms. He watched himself cry in a corner, while his siblings played with each other. He also saw his mother stirring the stews and seasoning the meats with the accumulated tears. Then he looked at himself as an adult, tired, bitter, working day and night. His children crying and his wife in front of the stove. It was as if his life was in front of thousands of mirrors that multiplied his days a million times.

The memories were reconstructing everything: the time he stole money from the company, the time he hid food so as not to share it with anyone, the times he was the cause of his mother's tears, his wife's tears, his children's tears. A black and white movie projected just for him, who was in the front row, with his eyes closed but listening to the whisper of the constellations.


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Pixabay

After that, he began to sob and ran away. He went into the void feeling that behind him were great inquisitive eyes, blind eyes, eyes that hovered with the howl of guilt. It was then that he realized that he was no longer chained to anything and that he was at the bottom of the beyond, in the very darkness of the universe. The shadows, which previously circled around him, now took him by the hand and walked beside him. He was certain, at that instant, that he was dead and that this was not heaven.

All images are free of charge, the text is authored by me and translated in Deepl.

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Thank you for reading and commenting. Until a next story, friends


![Click here to read in spanish]
El umbral
Como si fuera atraído por un imán, se dirigió hacia la luz que tenía al frente. No sabía si caminaba o volaba, lo que sí tenía claro era que su cuerpo no le pesaba absolutamente nada. Cuando estuvo frente al umbral, lo traspasó de manera decidida.

Inmediatamente sintió la diferencia. El ambiente era helado, oscuro, con un olor extraño, lleno de cactus espectrales y árido suelo. De repente se vio rodeado por un círculo de sombras que simplemente vagaban sin levantar la cabeza. Tuvo ganas de preguntar en dónde estaba, de hecho se acercó a una de ellas, pero cuando el hombre levantó el rostro, vio que donde debían estar los ojos, aparecieron dos agujeros enormes.

Sintió miedo y frío, y sin saber por qué, quiso volver al vientre materno. Así que se acostó en forma fetal entre los escombros y empezó a escuchar voces opacas que hablaban dentro de su cabeza:

_Eres uno de los nuestros, bienvenido.
_ Trata de soltarte para que todo sea más rápido y breve.

No sabía de qué hablaban, pero se levantó y reanudó su viaje. Vio que otro grupo de sombras iba delante de él, por lo que decidió alcanzarla, pero cuando corrió para llegar a ellas, cayó en un hueco profundo e interminable. En la medida que bajaba, el frío se terminó y le llegó el calor: al final había carbones encendidos y nubes de humo que lo esperaban.

Cuando tocó fondo, descubrió que ahora estaba en el centro de algo y que miles de ojos y manos lo apuntaban. Sobre él volaban pájaros negros y aunque estaba a la intemperie, lo que tenía sobre su cabeza no era el cielo, sino un techo hecho de fuego anaranjado y negro. En ese instante se sintió asfixiado por el fuerte olor a azufre y cuando quiso llevarse las manos al rostro, se dio cuenta que estaba encadenado. Al otro lado de su mano, una fuente llena de cosas se desbordaba como si fuera un rio caudaloso. Entre las cosas que estaban atoradas, se hallaban las visiones del pasado.

Se miró cuando niño correr e ir a la escuela. La casa familiar llena de cuartos ocupados y sucios. Se miró llorar en una esquina, mientras que sus hermanos jugaban entre ellos. También vio a su madre revolver los guisos y sazonar las carnes con el llanto acumulado. Después se miró ya hecho un adulto, cansado, amargado, trabajando día y noche. Sus hijos llorando y su mujer frente a la estufa. Era como si su vida estuviera frente a miles de espejos que multiplicaran sus día en un millón de veces.

Los recuerdos iban reconstruyendo todo: la vez que robó el dinero de la empresa, que escondió comida para no compartirla con nadie, las veces que fue el causante de las lágrimas de su madre, de su esposa, de sus hijos. Una película en blanco y negro proyectada solo para él, quien estaba en primera fila, con los ojos cerrados pero escuchando el susurro de las constelaciones.

Después de eso, comenzó a sollozar y salió corriendo. Se internó en el vacío sintiendo que detrás de él estaban grandes ojos inquisidores, ojos ciegos, ojos que flotaban con el aullido de la culpa. Fue entonces que se dio cuenta que ya no estaba encadenado a nada y que se encontraba al fondo del más allá, en la oscuridad misma del universo. Las sombras, que anteriormente giraban alrededor de él, ahora lo tomaban de la mano y caminaban a su lado. Tuvo la certeza, en ese instante, que estaba muerto y que aquel no era el cielo.

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8 comments

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Thank you for the information

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That's great @nancybriti1! We're impressed with your progress on Hive! Keep going and reach your new target!

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This is just wow

You got the reader quite inquisitive, desirous to know the outcome even though at the onset, I had a different imagination yet, you relate well the transition of the ending of your script with its beginning. Your descriptions of the bottom of the beyond relates easily the state of abyss and as told, events of beyond.
Thank you for this beautiful script

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Thank you for your complete and detailed comment. I appreciate it. Regards

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You're welcome

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Why did he ran away from his thoughts. That would not help him out but facing the reality by telling people what he had done wrong would be the best image of him.

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Sometimes there is no time to go back and repair what you did. Sometimes the end comes and you can't regret your bad deeds because it's too late. Greetings

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Your MC finds himself in Hell after crossing the threshold between life and death. He experiences the sights and sounds of the underworld and his life's worst moments flash before his eyes while he is chained up. The narrative is nicely written but the piece is almost entirely narrated with no dialogue to show us more of what is going on through engagement. We do get a small sense of growth in his character as it appears that once confronted with his memories he has sensations of guilt, and perhaps some remorse, but there is no attempt to resist or to bargain his way out. Other than an instance of theft, we also do not get to see what deeds resulted in him ending up in Hell, or how he died or why he made his family so sad. These are a few things that could have been developed to enhance your story.

Thank you for sharing a story in The Ink Well.

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It is true. I focused more on the description of the environment and the main character's feelings, that I neglected some other things. Thanks for your comments. Regards

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A shocking story, he had a punishment for the sins of his earthly life and had to pay the consequences. Very good reading and very fluid.

Thanks for sharing.
Good day.

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Exactly! Every bad action has its consequences. Thanks for commenting. Regards

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This is a very interesting setting and harrowing experience for the protagonist. Is there a way out for him or ease of his suffering? If not, then it would be nice to know more about the background story that led to this situation. He's a very unlucky man or a very evil one 👺

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In this story the protagonist lived in the flesh all his misdeeds that he did on earth, because he went to hell. Have a nice day.

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