I lost an opportunity but I learned a few things

Every time I remember that I allowed an opportunity slip right off my fingers, it crushes my spirit. I am constantly haunted by regrets as my heart breaks every time I remember the moments and opportunities that had slipped through my fingers.

Source
It had an opportunity to study abroad through scholarship scheme that was open to those in my hometown. I had filled out the application online without thinking it would come through but it did. I had the opportunity to land in a different space, learn a new a different culture and broaden my perspective.

I remember the happiness on my parent's faces when I broke the news. My siblings were beaming with joy and the smiles spoke volumes because I could feel their admiration over dinner while I went on and on about the results. The room felt alive and we barely noticed the food was getting cold because the good news overshadowed everything else at the moment. I chatted excitedly, telling them how I came upon the scholarship link and how I decided to try my luck without expecting anything.

“Sis, will you send us pictures of the beautiful places we have seen on the internet,” My little brother broke into my little tale

“Of course, I will,” I answered while grinning at him and the rest of my family.

“So, tell us more, my daughter,” My dad smiled at me, looked at my mom, and they nodded in unison urging me to continue.

I had everyone's support, my parents were prepared to even borrow the funds necessary to process everything.

But after all the excitement had died down doubts began to creep into my mind. I was suddenly afraid of leaving my comfort zone. I dreaded the thoughts of being away from my friends and family. The thoughts of a new environment, a different educational system, and being far away from my support network made me anxious.

I did not know when I succumbed to the fear and broke the news to my mum the next day. She couldn't understand why I would throw away something anyone would do anything to get. I was scared and I did not know what I was doing. I was young and stupid and a deep sense of regret settled within me when the deadline closed.

My family did not make it any better for me. They made sure I was reminded of this painful decision at the slightest provocation. I did not want to blame them because we lived in a neighborhood with wagging tongues. And I can't imagine the terrible things that must have been said to my parents behind their backs and in their presence.

One of those days, I walked into my mum crying because her friend, the mother of my friend made sure she rubbed the incident on her face. I had apologized a thousand times but it still did not take back any of the sadness that replaced the happiness in my family.

I made a promise to myself that I would seize any opportunity that came my way again after I saw my Mom cry. And that I will not allow fear to stop me from doing so.

Although I had missed the chance to study abroad, I sought ways to feel better about myself again. I read and listened to audiobooks that helped.

Looking back, I don't think I missed an opportunity alone, I gained a valuable lesson. Which is to never stop me from taking risks, stepping outside my comfort zone, and embracing the unknown. This event alone has made me thirst for new experiences.

Maybe one of these days I'll have something more remarkable and I will not get carried away by fear again.

Maybe a group of international students will visit my hometown and I will take it upon myself to become their guide and friend during their stay. We could explore my city, share stories about theirs, and form friendships that will make the distance between us seem intangible after they've gone.

And if I ever met someone who is hesitating to take up such a golden opportunity, I'll use my experience to give good advice especially if they have supportive parents and siblings as I did.