SILENCE AND ANGER

People always assume quiet people have bad anger issues and it has been so for me for as long as I can remember. Then when I tell people I’m from Isoko north local government area of Delta state, they justify every reason why I should have a bad anger and a hot temper even though I am quiet. I have become so familiar with the phrase Isoko Tolopia which means Isoko carries cutlass. This phrase is used to signify that although an Isoko man is quiet and peaceful, he will never hesitate to act when pushed. This is a character I have seen from my dad over the years, although he has a naturally calm nature, he will not hesitate to act when provoked, and mind you, he’s easily provoked and has in the past caused serious damage as a result of his anger. My mother once told me that a lot of isoko people are like that, and I understand why people tend to see me like that. Sometimes I wish I was like that, but then again, anger is not something I can relate to at a high level. I do get angry, but not like my dad. Everyone who has told me about that stereotype were always surprised that I did not turn out to be who they imagined me to be.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Sometimes I feel like it is a crime to be quiet, I used to have a friend who was utterly scared of me. She was scared to tell me a lot of things because she was always scared about how I would react. She was always very careful around me and it made her reserved towards me. I found that attitude awkward because it restricted us from relating on a more personal level as friends. When I told her about it, she confirmed that she did not want me to be angry. I looked at her and saw fear, like she had been in that position before, and when I investigated further, she had indeed been in that position before. She had been with isoko people a lot and had experienced firsthand how bad their wrath can be. After about a year of knowing me, she became more free with me, so free that she could tell me everything and anything without fear and she could trust I would not get angry. At one point we had a bet on something she would do to get me angry because she wanted to see how I would react angrily. Newsflash, she lost the bet because it never happened until one day she did something that got me angry. She realized even when I was angry I was ready to listen to her talk, and even though I didn’t feel like talking, I never shouted or did anything in anger that she was used to. I just went to cool off, then came back to trash the issue.

I’m quiet, even more quiet when I’m angry. Recently I’ve been learning to not show expression, so one can not deduce whether or not I am angry. This doesn’t mean I will act in anger, it just means I like to have a dangerous attitude. I like to be unpredictable, and I like proving people wrong. I like the feeling of showing to people that I am not who they think I am, this is why when someone hurts me, I show them love instead. I feel it carries more weight than hate and the attitude of anger. I believe my silence in anger carries more weight than my voice in anger plus I don’t even like shouting, I feel it’s a waste of energy and resources. There are stereotypes I do not like to be associated with though, but for this particular one, I like it.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 174 EPISODE 1