STEPPING BACK TO LEAP FORWARD

There was a point in my life I felt I was at the mercy of everything. My academics was not working fine no matter the effort I put in. My family was struggling really bad financially. My brother was facing this phase of his life that was worrisome to everyone. Life was just hitting so hard from almost every angle. Now that I think about it I wonder how I made it through. At that time, I just finished my secondary school and when the results came out, I wasn’t good enough to go to the next level. I was really pained and frustrated. I just wasted money, time and effort.

It was at that point I first thought of giving up. I was happy my sister was doing well academically and I just kept praying for her to keep doing well just incase I don’t make it to a higher level. After the year I wrote my senior secondary school exams, my sister got admission into the university and that was going to be a huge financial responsibility on my parents. And that same here I was planning to resit that exam I didn't do well in and that also would cost money. We didn’t really have anyone back then to help, just my dad and my mum too. So at that point, I decided to not write that exam that year again and wait for the next year. Besides I was the one who refused to study hard.

For that one year I stayed at home, I used that time to work as many jobs as I could. I was naturally an hairstylist so that gave me some money. I did home lesson for 4 child. Although the pay was ridiculously low, I was more in for the experience too so I tried to manage. And besides I was just happy that I had something that will bring me a monthly income. Every job I did gave me just enough to survive but not to really save but I saved anyways. And my savings helped my family at some point and I was happy that I could at least do that. It was also at that point I learnt to even give better because I learnt how hard life can be.

That gap year gave me the opportunity to acquire so many experiences from so many areas even as a secondary school drop out at that time. But then, in all of these, you might be thinking that I have done the right thing and all but no, I don’t think I did. The truth was, my major motivation was my family, yes. But my second major motivation was because I was scared of facing academics. I have always seen myself as not being good academically. I excelled so much in many other things but the moment you put academics in the picture, the room just becomes blurry.

So, that fear was one of the reasons I made the decision to wait until the coming year before pursuing my academic career. Although, after truly waiting for that year, I was able to prepare to the best of my ability and when I sat for my exams, I got the grades that I wanted. Everything started moving like they were getting better until I realized I was still at the same place. I wanted to just give up on studying since it wasn’t working but I reminded myself of the fact that delay is never denial. I kept waiting and that gave me more time to learn a lot of things from life that is really helpful now that I’m in the university. Sitting idle was just not on the list of things I could do.

In as much as my gap year gave me an opportunity to grow and expand in some areas, I sensed this laziness to face some situations head on and that caused me a lot of time. Although, the whole thing felt like it wasn’t in my control but I knew things would have been a little different if I tried a little harder. Maybe. I was just a step away but I felt relaxed and missed the opportunity that was awaiting me. Well, in all, I’m just very grateful for where I am now. I feel hunted by that decision almost every time but I’m learning to let go and just focus on moving.

This is my response to the hivelearners topic for the last edition on GAP YEAR.

Thank you for reading through. ❤️