The Cup I Keep Refilling

We all have something that we do and engage in, either good or bad. For some, they are so deep-rooted in praying and reading, which does not hurt, but either way, some of us engage in different things that hurt us, maybe physically or internally, but we still cannot stop or do without it. And as for me, it is soda. Sometimes it causes me pain, and even though I know that it is bad for me, I still drink it occasionally, especially the very chilled one.

My soda intake grew worse when I got admission. I had limited time to cook because of long studio hours, workload, long hours of classes, and deadlines, and eating junk food felt like the best solution for me. I started drinking different kinds of soda, especially Fanta, energy drinks because I felt that was the solution I needed. And even now, it seems like I cannot get over it even though it has reduced a lot, but I still drink it when I see it.

Even though when I drink it, I sometimes feel stomach pain because of the excess sugar it contains but then when work becomes too much, when the heat becomes unbearable, when I taste that sweetness, the fizzy taste it contains always feels like a calm in my body. It is so funny how something of that little amount can be a sort of relief for my body sometimes. Though I have been told countless times that I should be drinking water and ignoring all those soft drinks, my soul, body, and mouth crave them sometimes.

Countless times, my mom has warned me to stop drinking soda, saying that I am a man and because of my health. I read Psalm 91 sometimes and see where it was written that "with long life will I satisfy you... but yet, I sometimes drink what could shorten the life, telling myself that it's not that bad. How funny.

But right inside of me, I always say that it is not about drinking the soda but just for the right amount of comfort I need at the moment.

I could recall that I stopped for some time, but recently when I traveled to one of my close friends place, he welcomed me with soda, and even though I initially rejected it, I later drank it without having a second thought. And throughout my stay there, I found myself drinking it occasionally because anytime I step out, there is this woman selling drinks at the gate that I always buy from, especially the cold one. But sometimes I feel ashamed of myself drinking soda because I promised myself to stop but I still see myself drinking it.

But I am thankful that it has reduced, unlike how unusual it was to drink it when I first got admission, and lately I have been drinking a lot of water instead of soda. Even though it hasn't been a total change, the progress is much better, which I respect. I am still trying to stop the intake of soda permanently, but I know it is not a day battle for me, but eventually I will stop.

Thank you for reading.

_{Images are mine}