The Weight of Masculinity: Unpacking the 'Men Don't Cry' Paradigm

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I guess the phrase 'men do not cry' exists because of the societal indoctrination of men being protectors, providers and buffers for women who are presumably delicate or the weaker vessel. While sometimes we might want to say it's ok for men to cry and express pain, fear or confusion, the psychological effect hits differently.

For the men, they might feel disrespected after such exposure, and for some women, they might experience a panic attack with the reality that all hope is lost hitting differently.

You know, I watched a movie where the husband decided to test his wife’s loyalty. He had informed the wife that his business deals went south and all his money, loans inclusive, went into the execution of the business.

OThe moment the woman heard this news, she collapsed. In the movie she is a full-time housewife who does nothing but live on her husband’s fortune.

She had no savings or investments, as she was busy blowing all the money and wealth on acquisitions of luxury. For a greater part of the movie, it was the woman living in agony and anguish with tears as a comforter. With each property that was sold by the man, the woman kept losing herself.

There was a scene where she cried her eyes out to a neighbour, exposing her greatest fear that she doesn’t want to go back to poverty; thus, she was considering leaving the marriage, but then the neighbour, who was much older, advised her.

She was advised on the need to be patient and supportive because her husband was a man who did her no wrong, but life just happened. Watching that scene, something struck me: as the lady was crying bitterly and questioning God, the older lady spoke calmly to her, 'If you are feeling this way over what had happened, how do you think your husband must be feeling, being at the forefront of the misery? '

Immediately the older lady said that the woman paused like she had just realised what she had never given a thought to. In that moment her approach changed as the woman advised her that the situation she found herself in with her husband is not a time to be weak but a time to step up and be the man’s shield.

Good enough, she acquired a lot of luxury goods and accessories that she immediately put up for sale and got a good amount from.

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As the movie progressed, we saw her hold the fort for the man and start getting used to the life she never thought she would be a part of. In fact, she was the one suggesting to the man for their mansion to be sold and for them to relocate to a smaller house they can easily manage.

It was such an interesting movie indeed, one that exposed me more to the psychology of both men and women when faced with difficult times. Indeed, not every woman would stick around, and little wonder why men tend to lie about their situation and would rather die in silence. Oftentimes ignorance is bliss.

Notwithstanding, men are humans first before anything else, and while they might want to act on instinct and impulse, especially to silence their emotions, sometimes we cut them some slack and help them process whatever it is they might be feeling.