To intervene or not... man card theft
If you have been following me for even a short amount of time, you probably know that camping takes up a big part of my summer. Given the fact that we have a travel trailer, many might consider what we do "glamping", but I assure you, we spend very little time actually in our trailer. Also, @mrsbozz and I earned our stripes camping from a very early age with our parents, then tent camping for two years together before finally upgrading to a used 18 foot trailer and now our current 26 foot model.
I don't know if we would appreciate our trailer as much as we do if we hadn't spent that time tent camping. There are some intrinsic benefits that you just can't deny having hard sides surrounding you and a little bit of buffering from the other campers near you.
That's not really what this post is about though.
Given the fact that my wife and I have been camping for over 15 years together and many more before that when we were younger, we have picked up certain skills along the way. Skills that help us be more efficient and quite possible look like some form of magic to unskilled or untrained campers.
It's no secret that among long time campers, one of their favorite things to do is watch other non-seasoned campers try to set up their campsite. The relative "openness" of campgrounds in general make this a pretty easy thing to do.
Whether it is watching a couple try to back a trailer into their site, get it situated in just the right spot, set up their brand new tent, or start a campfire, there is plenty of entertainment available on any given day at your local state park.
It's pretty much a given that when a new trailer pulls in, everyone in a ten site radius is going to stop what they are doing and watch the person try to back it in. I'll be the first to admit that I don't always get it right the first time. When I do though, you can see a collective head nod from all the surrounding campers.
This guy knows what he's doing.
Which brings me to a recent camping trip and the actual subject of this post. We were camping just across the Mackinac Bridge in the upper peninsula of Michigan and a young couple pulled into the site next to us.
We were sitting under our awning trying to appreciate the shade while they started setting up their camp. When you are that close, you make an effort not to sit and stare, but you can't help but glance every now and then.
We could tell they were a young couple and pretty much all of their equipment was new in the box. If you look in the photo above, you can just see the corner of their red canopy that they had over their picnic table and that canopy is the inspiration for this post.
We watched them struggle with it for what seemed to be close to an hour. @mrsbozz and her friend kept urging me to go over and help, and while I am happy to offer help in most cases, there are a few where I become a bit hesitant.
Here's my thinking:
As a young couple, I would expect the guy wants to prove to his wife that he can be a good provider and husband. Maybe I am being old fashioned, but I feel like stepping in and offering help would be like taking the guys man card away. I mean, if he asked for help that's one thing, but the whole "let me step in and show you how it's done" feels a bit wrong to me.
I did eventually offer help, but by then they pretty had it sorted out. The fact is, I carry around certain tools that I have learned over the years are useful to have. First time campers probably wouldn't have thought of them.
Then it was time for them to start their fire and we watched them struggle for what seemed like another hour to get it going. Again, my wife and her friend prompted me to go help. I said "let's just give them a little longer". The young couple were working together trying to get the thing lit and keep it going.
Now, I was never a boy scout, but I don't mind tooting my own horn that I do know how to make a pretty dang good fire. As much as I wanted to help them, I still had that nagging feeling that I was robbing them of something if I took away the experience.
There have been times where I offered kindling or tips to a person, but you just never know 1. how they are going to recieve it, and 2. whether they even need the help in the first place.
We camped next to an older lady in a motorhome this past weekend who was all by herself and she had her fire going and warming her campsite in about 1 minute flat.
What do you think? How do you know when to offer help and is the idea of stealing someone's man card as big of a deal as I think it is? I'm pretty lucky that @mrsbozz wouldn't think any less of me if I accepted help from someone else, but not everyone has the same relationship as us, so you just never know.
It's a fine line between offering too much help, being that dick that just watched us and didn't offer any help, being the guy who just needs to mind his own business and let me do my thing, and being that awesome guy who camped next to us and helped make our trip more enjoyable.
Let me hear your thoughts! I'm sure @raymondspeaks might have some good input here as the leader of the Bro Community on Hive.
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A lot of us guys are very proud and reluctant to accept help. It can mean a lot of wasted time. Women may have a different attitude and some will even play the 'helpless female' card so some guy can show off. These things never change.
Yeah, that is probably true. I learned a long time ago it isn't a bad thing to ask for help. It was a hard lesson for me at the time.
I don't help unless there's a danger or someone asks. For a couple like use we can get a camp site up in 5 mins with a tent or about 10 mins with our camper. We also tend to break down camp at 5am and slip away in silence. I have helped people in the past wiht things like setting up a tent under branches in a high wind area or I was at a sight were a couple put a tent in the lowest possible spot and we were going to get rain.
We are usually up and out of the campground by the time quiet hours end. I want to beat the line at the dump station and we have things to get done at home usually before the week starts back up.
I'd have done the same bozz.
Like no joke my wife tries to get me to help my father-in-law all the time and I tell her no, let him keep his pride. My father in law is getting old, but the women sure do fuss over him in our family, and I always feel bad for him when sometimes I'm marched over to help him with what he seems like jobs he has handled easily.
Anyway, good for you. Leave the young couple alone. If it were me I'd have waited until they finished, took them over a beer and started up a discussion and during it, casually mention how long I've been doing it and the tools I acquired.
Then if they wanted help they'd ask :)
Yeah, that would be a good way to handle it. I suck at small talk though, so I likely would have just looked like a moron. It is a bit sad though when your parents can't do the things they used to. My dad used to be quite techy and now he surprises me sometimes with his inability to handle certain things on his computer.
I haven't had a camp experience yet, but I am working on it. When I had my first tent experience, I experienced the scenes of the novice couple you described. I had difficulty setting up the tent. Seeing my situation, an experienced helper like you came to me and offered help. Frankly, this did not bother me. I can even say that it saved me from a difficult situation. The friendship that started afterwards and the breakfast we had as a family made me even happier. That's why everyone may need help in every subject.
That's pretty awesome that you were able to form that relationship. The advances in tents are pretty impressive. These days it's basically just a couple of clips and some tension rods. No putting poles together and dealing with them like you used to.
The many ways that people learn intrigue me. Everyone must, in my opinion, learn in their own unique way. Your thoughtfulness towards the young couple who were attempting to figure things out is commendable. It may take a little longer, but I think those experiences give people more self-assurance. And there's always something new to learn on a camping trip, @bozz!
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Thanks, it was hard, because I understand where my wife and her friend were coming from, but I just didn't want to assume anything you know.
I say let the young buck sort it our for himself unless he decides to ask for help. You don't want to offend his male pride... But if you're going camping don't you think he would have at least watched youtube to figure out how to start a fire? I was a boy scout so all that stuff is second nature to me but most young guys today don't get outdoors survival training. Unless they were in the armed forces...
Backing in a trailer takes some serious practice, glad to hear you got the hang of it. I've never gotten very good at it, but I so rarely have had to tow a trailer except when I moved a couple times when I was younger. Kudos to you on that skill!
You would think I might have learned something watching my dad do it all those years (the trailer thing), but it's really something you just have to get out and practice yourself. It's actually a bit sad the number of people who rely on lighter fluid to get their fires going. You can always smell them in the campground and you often see a huge plume of fire for like a minute before it dies back down into nothing. I prefer to have good quality fire starters and kindling versus relying on lighter fluid.
On this one I agree with you, how do they learn if they don't try.
Camping most of my younger years one does learn tricks, variety of tents used over the years each had a unique blend/tool/colour coding poles, never owned a caravan (or motorhome/trailer as you call it).
That awning I hope was pegged firmly down, slightest breeze that would be airborne in no time at all... !BEER
That was actually another thing they were having trouble with that I was encouraged to go help with. They didn't have a proper hammer to drive the stakes down into the ground to keep it secure.
Oh boy a sturdy sledge hammer for pegs/stakes, properly sharpened axe, some places here so remote took a spade along too....
Perhaps too embarrassed to pick up a river rock, they will learn, equipment also breaks all too often.
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Offering help is always a tricky call for me, in the situation you mention first I am like you, the guy could feel belittles if it could be perceived he could not set it all up himself
and also as you say one never knows how people will take it if you offer to help, I gues sin most cases people appreciate it, but then theres those who take it in totally the wrong way
Kind of typical that a few people ruin it for everyone else I guess!
I find it fascinating to see how different people set up their sites. It's like a rite of passage, and I think everyone has to learn in their own way. It's great that you were considerate of the young couple trying to figure it out. I believe those moments help them build confidence, even if it takes a bit longer. Plus, every camping trip is a chance to learn something new!
I totally agree with you. It's hard to know when to step in though. Especially when you have people close to you telling you to go help.
Same like you : the whole "let me step in and show you how it's done" feels a bit wrong". I have tried to do that few times and seen people taking it in a negative way, so it's best to mind our own business, unless someone asks for help.
The only time I would step in without anyone asking is when someone is in need of medical urgency, where he/she is not even in a situation to ask. Otherwise, now a days, people react very harshly.
Yeah, that is a good point. There are some instances where you just have to jump into action. I'm sure people who have kids deal with things like this on a regular basis. When do you watch them struggle but figure it out themselves and when do you step in to protect them?
I love to rather jump into action with the kids, to distract them troubling their parent :). Some just stop by looking at me - it's a lot of fun for sure.
We have had a caravan for many years. We always helped people and the other way around, people helped us. Especially when we hadn't a mover on the caravan, I was extremely thankfull when people helped pushing the caravan on its place :) . Later on, when we got the mover, things where way easier.
That is cool. Campers have always been a close knit community, but Covid brought a lot of new people into the community who don't necessarily hold the same values.
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