Being Timid As A Single Lady( My Known Weakness)
Every single day when i wake up, i always say to myself, will i ever grow, there is this feeling i alwyas get,( that I'm still a teenager trapped in a 27 year old's body). The world around me expects me to be confident, outspoken and independent, but I'm still struggling to shake off the feeling of inadequacy.
Being timid has affected me having any romantic relationship, i don't know how to pull out from it. Looking back when i was a bit younger than this, if am being asked out, for some reason i find it insulting and scared.In my mind i will be like can't you see am still growing, i haven't gone anywhere yet, and for that same reason there is this thought that always comes to my mind which is,
"so if i say yes to this person i will end up living with this person for the rest of my life" and it cringes me out 😂
Another reason that has delayed me this long, is the fact that most men that comes asking for a relationship, i will kind of imagine him being a father to my children, and these questions will come flashing in my head "would i want this man to be my childrens father, do i want his family to be mine). I usually have a lot of questions before hand.
Question?
What should I do in this situation, am I too strict?
I have been able to identify
the patterns and habit that
contributed to my timidity
Growing up thinking my parents where poor: my siblings and i never lacked any necessary provision any parent would provide for their child,i mean education, food clothes and shelter, but for some reason i find it hard to blend in with other kids my age.
Teachers in church: why do we also find politics everywhere, church being inclusive, sometimes when I look at myself I will be like that lady contributed to me being like this. I never asked for you to make me your favorite, just welcome me fully and I will be confident enough to join activities and express myself.
My parents: I know I was being protected from the world but see where that lead me to. At 27 years old I don't even remember having any serious playful memories, can you imagine. I was always scolded upon if any boy or girl my parents feel are bad influence come close to me.
I basically grew up selling foodstuff for my mom, not that I did not enjoy doing it , I just feel it took alot away from me.
I basically lived a triangular life which is school, church, home. Up till this day I don't have any social life 😢 plus I really don't know how to dress 👗 I know and I admit that.
One of the most annoying aspect of being timid is the fact that even when am right i find it hard to correct the other person, so just imagine me being wrong and also someone asking out, I will just shrink into my shell.
I need help ladies and advice ☺
Much love as i await your responses 😘
Photo is mine
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For your social life, I believe you can start working on it because it’s not too late. You just need to have the right circle of people around you.
You are so right on having the right circle of friends, do you think it's too late to make such friends. Don't get me wrong I do love the friends I have, but they are not the type that pushes me, atleast most of them. Thank you so much for the advice
!lady
Thank you for opening up and sharing such a heartfelt glimpse into your life—your self-awareness and vulnerability are incredibly moving, @tehilah. It sounds like you’ve been navigating a complex blend of emotions and expectations, all while feeling like the world is asking you to be someone you’re still learning to become.
It’s clear you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on how your upbringing has shaped who you are. The structure and protection your parents provided may have been well-intentioned, but it seems like they unintentionally limited your opportunities to explore, play, and connect socially. That "triangular life" you describe—school, church, home—might have kept you safe, but it also left you feeling like you missed out on some key experiences that others your age may have had.
The feelings of inadequacy and timidity you mention are incredibly common, though they can feel isolating when you're in the thick of them. It’s okay to feel like you’re still "growing" at 27—growth is a lifelong journey, and it doesn’t follow a set timeline. The world might expect you to be confident and independent right now, but confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day; it’s something you build step by step, starting with small victories.
Your hesitation about romantic relationships shows just how deeply you think about the future, which is a strength in itself. While it’s natural to have questions and concerns, it might help to remind yourself that relationships don’t have to come with lifelong commitments right away. They can be an opportunity to learn more about yourself, connect with someone on a deeper level, and grow at your own pace.
It’s not too late to carve out a social life or find your personal style—those are things you can explore and experiment with whenever you’re ready. Maybe you could start by joining a small, low-pressure group or activity that aligns with your interests, where you can meet people and practice expressing yourself in a safe environment.
As for timidity, perhaps you could focus on small wins—like sharing your opinion in a low-stakes setting or gently correcting someone when you know you’re right. Each time you step outside your shell, even just a little, you’re stretching that comfort zone bit by bit.
Your story shows resilience, thoughtfulness, and a desire for growth—qualities that will serve you well as you navigate life on your own terms, @tehilah.
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