A Choice Between Morals & Logic || is there ever a right answer?

I have never seen a more ironic statement than, “I am the first born yet I struggle with decision making and responsibilities”, but yes, this is the simple reality for most first borns who have to carry the burden of every single decision to be made. However, having to make simple decisions like, “What are we having for dinner”, “What am I wearing to the office today” is hard enough, and then you come with deciding who dies and who lives? In my head, fictionally, I will definitely run away from making such a decision, because that is A LOT of mental stress.

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But in reality, you know what happens to your body when it enters the flight or fight mode, there’s a rush of adrenaline and your body makes a decision without giving your brain the time to think things through, that’s probably what will happen to me if I’m ever faced with the trolley problem.

In a way, this mental puzzle is so similar to real life situations, you know.....responsibilities becoming burdens, the weight and consequences of every action and inaction including the time factor, “every second counts” “time waits for no man”

In this scenario, I have the choice to not intervene and allow the train kill 5 people or be responsible for the death of one. Logically, one would think that sacrificing the life of one to save five is the arithmetically correct option but morally, it’s a heavy decision. Mathematically, five is greater than one, but morals and equations aren’t exactly best friends.

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Genuinely, I think I would struggle mentally, even if it's for a split second, before pulling that lever because even though I’m caught in a fix and I do want to save the lives of five people, actively choosing to do that means I am making myself responsible for someone’s death which will feel more direct and personal to me than if I had done nothing. I don’t think it’s right for we as humans to get to decide who dies and who lives and having to wear such shoes at that moment would be greatly unsettling especially when not even a single one of them deserves to die. Those five people definitely wouldn’t choose death and that one person might not choose to play hero, and not to mention, the decision is out of their hands, it’s in mine, WOW!

If I chose to not get directly involved by doing nothing, five people would die and although, that is a passive decision, it is still one I made. If I let five people die knowing that I could have done something, I don’t think my conscience would ever let me live with that. There could be an older person, a child, a pregnant woman, a teenager amongst those five people.

Logically speaking, my answer would be to pull the lever and save those five. And as much as it is not a perfect choice, I don’t think my brain would think before my body jumps into action because in my human reflex, that choice would be preventing a greater harm and is that not what we humans always do to salvage situations that are out of our controls?

That does not make the decision any righteous or easy, the single loss of a life is tragic but I believe, preventing a greater tragedy would have been my reflex immediate response. And maybe, a miracle might be on the speed dial and all the lives would be saved.

Thank you for reading! :)