The Big Bad YOU
I broke down a couple of days ago. I broke down so terribly and I thought to myself, It had better be PMS, because there’s no way you’re crying this hard because friends, or people who thought were friends, hurt you. How can I put this in a way that may even remotely paint the picture? I wept, guys. Like a baby. Long and hard and after crying myself to sleep, I woke up nearly four hours later, thought about it, and cried again.
It’s weird cause I praise myself to be nonchalant. I don't exactly love it, but I accept it now as my coping mechanism. The ability to maybe not exactly sweep things under the rug, but forget about things and people when need be. But I guess I need to face it — I’m not as nonchalant as I think I am. I'm a softie. A terrible one at that because my heart and my mind doesn’t know how to choose better on which events should hurt me and which shouldn’t.
It was sad because I had two challenging exams to prepare for the next day, and I spent a good amount of the time I should have spent reading, crying because I felt so deeply hurt. I was angry at these people and I was angry at myself too. Writing is the best way to express myself, so I’m hoping I can put into words exactly how I felt that day. I guess it hurt more because just a few days before, I had opened up to them (something I hardly do), expressed my fears and my worries, and now it hurt me that I would tell people that would hurt me this deeply and not care about it, so many things about me.
I saw something on Twitter where a lady said, “Stop telling temporary people so many things about you.” And of course, someone had commented on the thought that instantly came to mind as I saw the tweet. “Temporary is written on no one’s forehead.”
Someone could be the best thing since Nigerian jollof rice to you, but even you cannot predict or guarantee if that person who you have the best laughs with, and get so giddy inside just at the thought of interacting with them, will be a permanence in your life. Best case scenario, you remain close friends for life. Worst case scenario, you’re sued to court by this person or you’re blocking the person on all platforms. There’s really no way to tell these things.
But it doesn’t stop us from trying again right? From hoping that maybe this one won’t leave. Or maybe this one would understand me a little better. Or maybe I won’t be the villain that self-sabotages and sends the person running for the hills. Yeah, maturity is realizing that you are not always the victim. And you may just be the villain. Like, literally the big bad wolf come to life in people’s stories, and they may not be wrong about it. Be a big YOU. Accept that you may not be the good person you make yourself out to be, lol.
Oh, you guys. There’s so much to say. But I just completed my last Law exam for the semester and I’m exhausted as well as bummed because I did good, but I could have done better. Way better. In between loss: actual death and the end of friendships, having the best time with a few people that I’m coming to care a lot about, and having dark circles under my eyes for too many late night studying, it’s a lot. But I’m back, guys. At least for a little while, I’m back. And while I’m here, I’ll make it count, however way I can.
Lots of love to those who simply exist and to those who make the effort to survive. In the words of someone I really like, “You’ll be fine.”
Jhymi🖤
Images are mine.
I definitely relate with this post. The part about nonchalance becoming a coping mechanism or a defense shield so that regardless of what may come, I can tell myself, "I don't care" even though, looking inwards, I DEFINITELY CARE. And while I do wish the world was a better place to me to embrace my overly emotional and sensitive side, things like this, friendship betrayal teaches one otherwise.
I once went through a friendship betrayal that hurt so bad, the only thing that got me through it was acting non-chalant, just like you said, not exactly sweeping things under the rug, but acting like, it's fine, it doesn't make me any richer or poorer, that same "I don't care", lol.
And while this thing makes us go back into our shell (especially for people that naturally genuinely find it hard to talk to people about their lives), it doesn't mean everyone is out there to hurt us. One takeaway for me those the experience is to stop expecting absolutely anything from people. Not loyalty, not kindness.
It's not nice, but that's life. Really sorry you had to go through such emotional pain. Sending you love and light. 🧡🤗
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You're a gem, Mide, and it makes a lot of sense for things like that to happen to people. Betrayals and every other thing. Sorry you had to go through that as well. We'll all be fine, dearest. Thank you for such an uplifting comment.🌺
Hello Lovely, firstly, I'm sending you a huge hug.
It certainly sounds like you have been going through some intense times, whilst also facing exams.
I understand how much it must hurt, opening up and sharing a part of yourself, to then hav those people hurt you.
You are doing amazing xxxx
These tough times do hurt a lot, but I'm positive that I'll pull through. Thank you so much, dearest friend. Your warm response is more calming than you would imagine.
I can relate with you being hurt by people you call friends. I've had my own share of the betrayal and hurt by trusted friends, and somehow, I found a way to pull through. But one thing it thought me is to keep my secrets to myself.
I believed that by penning down your feelings, you'd be able to finally heal from the hurt. You don't have to allow their actions rub you of your happiness. You deserve
It's even better now that you've finished your exams so you won't be seeing them around often.
Best regards.
!DOOK
!BBH
You just got DOOKed!
@luchyl thinks your content is the shit.
They have 2/10 DOOK left to drop today.
Learn all about this shit in the toilet paper! 💩
I'm certainly glad for that small mercy that I may not be seeing them as much. I really hope I don't. You're a darling, Luchyl. I appreciate your kindness. Have a lovely time.🌺
Come oo, you didn't finish this gist, lol. Come and say the full thing, or don't worry, I know where to be for the full gist.
On a lighter note, Glad to have you back. As for the exams, I'm sure you thrashed it.
Hehe, there's no gist waiting for you there, sorry.
Thank you, B0s. I'm glad to be back as well.🌺
Thank you.🌺
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Truly, most times, it's hard to figure out who is temporary or who deserves a permanent space on Our table.
I have had my fair share of having my heart crushed a few times or more than a few by the same people I thought would always have my back.
Don't worry too much or blame yourself; give it time, because time heals everything that is broken.
A big congratulations 👏 🎉 on your final exam, I sincerely wish you great success ahead.
This means a lot, Funshee. Thank you for the well wishes. These things happen a lot, and sometimes it happens more than once by the same person. But we'll pull through as always.🌺
You are welcome dear❣️
Congratulations on doing great in your exams dear.
Of course you'll be fine because you will dust yourself up after crying and smile again. That's a mark of a strong person with a strong personality.
Take care 🌺
Yeah, picking up yourself and making it count. That's what matters. Thank you, Becky. I appreciate your kind wishes.🌺
You're welcome
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STOPI am so sorry your friends let you down. That can hurt tremendously especially after making yourself vulnerable and sharing with them. It was also bad timing regarding your exams. I am sure there is not much one can say to console you. The truth is that when people hurt you it says more about them than you.
However, time is a healer and you have certainly learnt a lot about people and relationships because of this bad experience. Hopefully you will guard your feeling more in the future whilst still opening up your heart to others knowing that there are still some good people out there that will be worthy of your friendship.
In addition, hopefully sharing your story helped you to come to terms with your sadness and to also put things into perspective. Take good care of yourself.
Oh, it has been terrible coming to terms with just how much these people I thought were my friends despised me. I have been in shock since the aftermath, watching everything and somehow, I feel happy that all of these happened before I progressed too far in my life and they caused me more than just my peace of mind. I pray time heals this particular hurt. Thank you so much for your kind words, Momo. I deeply appreciate the care.💜
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