Solace In Tears
So I was having an argument with my roommate about how crying is actually a good emotional exercise. Before I continue, let me just say what started the argument in the first place.
My roommate just found out her partner of 2 years has been cheating on her for a while now. So she came to me really angry and asked me what to do. I told her to just cry (if she wants to) and end the relationship. She then told me that crying would actually mean she’s giving the guy some level of relevance.
I honestly didn’t agree, but I’ll explain anyway. She said the moment she allows tears to flow down her cheeks because of the guy, she’s made him important (more like she only cries about important stuff). Looking at what she said from her angle, I understood her. But I also explained that in this case, crying was just an emotional exercise that was going to let her feel better.
And from my point of view, that’s almost like solving the problem. Let me break it down yeah? You are hurting because you’re emotionally overwhelmed and almost at the verge of exploding. So from my mental equation, if you allow yourself to let go of the pain, then that’s more like solving the problem.
So maybe he really doesn’t deserve your tears but you’re not even crying for him. You’re just freeing yourself from the kind of emotional pain you’re going through. She’s not yet agreed with me, but I heard her crying in her room some minutes ago and I know she’ll talk about it in the morning. Hopefully, she tells me she feels better so I can rub it in her face that I was right. What are roommates for? Hehe.
We always preach about how crying never solves any problem and how we need to stay tough to face our problems instead of crying. But then what if in this case, the problem is being emotionally overwhelmed and the way out is crying? What if all the person needs is that feeling of lightness that follows intense shedding of tears?
The person behind the tears may not be worth it, but the reason, the feeling of not being burdened, and the freedom you feel in your heart will always be worth those tears.
Images are mine
I think you’re right, but I also think she’s right. Tears can be a relief, yes, but it really depends on where they’re coming from.
If she still loves the man and doesn’t want to let go, those tears might come from a place of, “Why does he keep doing this to me? It hurts, but I love him.” In that case, the crying isn’t full release, it’s a mix of pain and attachment.
For tears to bring true emotional relief in that kind of situation, they often need to come from a place of, “I’m done. I deserve better.” That’s when the weight really starts to lift.
But it can go either way. Some women cry every time a man hurts them, until one day, they don’t. Not because it stopped hurting, but because there’s nothing left. They’re numb. They’re done. Others bottle it all up for a long time, then finally break down in tears… and walk away for good.
So, crying, while not necessarily a sign of weakness, isn’t always a safe haven either. For some, it heals. For others, it just hurts differently. It depends.
This is deep and I think even that tears of pain and attachment bring some level of relief. You might feel so much pain while crying but afterwards there’s this moment of “it’s fine” that you feel and it sometimes even gives you a clearer picture of what’s happening to help you take better decisions. (This is just something I’ve realized though and maybe it just happens to me)
I do this whenever I'm hurt or in serious pain and after the cry, I feel lighter and ready to move on.
It is indeed a solace in tears!
Yes. There is and we always underrate it.
I do cry, sometimes and this is because I need to release myself from the burdens on my heart and once I am done, I feel light and move on with life. You are right. Crying is an emotional exercise and in her case, she isn't crying because of him, but for herself. But not many people would understand this because of the wrong notion about crying to mean weakness, insecurity, etc.
Yes yes. I’m so glad you get it that part where I explained that she wasn’t crying for him but for herself.
And that narrative about crying. Sometimes I just wonder who even brought it in the first place.
I can't remember the last time I cry over something or someone, but you are right after all because sometimes all you need at that moment is to cry, crying take out the pains from the inside. I totally agree with you on crying 😂😂 when hurt. Thanks for sharing.