Proud and Grateful

When the year began, I was quite hard on myself. Even before taking certain measures to achieve my goals, I began doubting myself. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anybody around to encourage me to achieve those dreams or applaud me for what I had already achieved. I don’t even blame anyone; nobody knew what exactly was going on with me.

But yesterday, I was thinking about all that happened in January. I thought of people who were in my life that time but aren’t anymore. I thought of the things I wanted to achieve but kept doubting myself. I thought of things and people that mattered to me but don’t matter anymore. I thought and thought…. Which was weird because I hate doing a lot of thinking. Well, maybe it just comes with growing? I guess.

As I kept thinking, I came to terms with something I wanted so badly in January. I never write my resolutions down, but for this particular goal, I wrote it down in a new journal. And that should tell you how important it is to me. The moment I reached that part of my thinking, I paused and then began smiling.

I had achieved step that goal but hadn’t even taken time to realize, celebrate, and applaud myself. I was so proud after realizing what had happened to me. And I’m sure some of you already know what I’m talking about, but then for those who don’t, I will share it in due course.

What actually makes me so proud about this is that there was a whole storm thrown at me right before I got to achieve this goal, and I survived! Survived?! That’s an understatement; I persevered and conquered!
I’m so proud of myself, so, so proud. I know wherever little Abenad is, she is giving me a round of applause or even a standing ovation but in tears because she knows how much I belittle myself when it comes to certain things.

If someone told me “hey you, that goal, that thing, that dream you want so badly would be achieved before the second quarter of the year”, I would have laughed and asked the person to leave me alone. But here I am, unable to shut up about how grateful and proud I am.

I really think we should give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. A lot of it. We should give ourselves enough grace, a little above enough. We persevere all the time and don’t even realize how much energy it took for that to happen. I know I’m not the only one who is looking back right now and smiling at that thing they have achieved even after all the obstacles they faced. I see you! And I’m proud of you!