At The End Of The Day

Last week by this time, I was having the strangest catarrh I’ve ever seen in my life. It was so weird that it developed into something else. The funny thing is, I spent my day consoling my relatives concerning something that had happened in the family.

Not that I wasn’t affected, I just wanted to be strong for them. After all, who will console who if we all cry? Right? That’s what I thought but I was so wrong. That night after doing all the consolation, “my body said what about me?” My whole system shut down from that little catarrh I was having.

I tossed from one end of my bed to the other just wishing I could sleep for even an hour. Anytime, I tried closing my eyes, it felt like I was in another world yet still in this world. And I couldn’t also open my eyes because it was even more painful.

I checked the time more than 7 times and during all those times, it was as if the world was at a standstill. I just wanted morning to come so that I could visit the hospital. I waited and waited but morning never came. I was so sure that I definitely had malaria or maybe typhoid. You know how people make up sicknesses in their heads when they start experiencing certain symptoms. All those guesses made the situation worse.

Out of so much pain, I got up around midnight, gathered the little energy I had in me and headed straight to the hospital. After doing all the tests in the world, the doctor said nothing was wrong with me. I wasn’t entirely surprised because I knew what was happening. My body had shut down from holding onto things I needed to let out and on top of that list was mourning a loved one.

I understand that sometimes we need to be strong for the people around us but if I knew that I needed consolation just like any other person, I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation in the first place. I wouldn’t have acted like the captain America I never was.

They said you never understand these things until you find yourself in such situations so if you ever do, hear me out. Be there for yourself just as much you are for others because at the end of the day, it’s all between you and yourself. The scary part is, if you don’t find a way to be there for yourself, your body will do it for you and trust me, you won’t like it.