THE UNDYING FEELING

It was supposed to be a drama-free day for me just like every other days, but the drama came into the picture. It was me. I was the problem. I mean, I was the actual drama. My heart wouldn’t stop beating hard and fast. I was almost sure that he heard the beats of my heart. It’s been a while since I felt this way. I realized I was smitten.

He is tall, brown-skinned, with beards in the perfect proportion. Loaded pocket? I didn’t know about that, but his softly deep voice caught my attention as he looked in my direction. “Can I use your pen?” Oh! Me? Okay. Yes, sure.

We met in a bank, each of us, with our individual businesses, however, I got more than my business. I got ‘the man of my dreams’ in my imagination. Oh yeah. Are you here to make a deposit? Hm.me? Yes. I found myself stuttering. I was indeed love-struck. Don’t blame me. He has all the physical features I want in my man.

The conversation continued, and we exchanged contact details. I sent him a WhatsApp message immediately because I really didn’t want him to forget about me. And, no, I didn’t want him to be another WhatsApp status updates viewer either.

I haven’t asked a man out in my life, so, I tried different Rizz in my head before I sent him the text 6 months after we met. “I think I like you. But I need to be sure if I can continue to like you or there is someone doing it better already?” Oh… He looked at me, speechless I could say. He didn’t expect me to say that. We’ve been friends for 6 months, and I hid it so well that I had a crush on him until now. So, it took him by surprise…

Okay, that was my imagination. In real life, I’m yet to tell him a thing about it, and we’ve been friends for a year now.

A hint into our friendship for the past 12 months. Whenever he had a bad day; I heard a lot about it. A contract went wrong, my number was never out of reach. He had a headache; he knows that I always have a solution. He is frustrated at home or at work, I always had soothing words for him. Apart from the fact that I am in love with him, my personality tends towards that of a listener than a talker around him, so, I wouldn’t say a thing about my day, or anything at all. Rather, I’ve been his backbone, listening to him, and just kept being the wonderful friend that I’ve always been to everyone else. Amidst all, I don’t think the feeling is mutual.

Or maybe it’s just my thought? Should I go ahead and ask him? What if I get rejected? Or I should rather wait till he realizes it himself or just let the feeling die a natural death? I am too shy to even talk to him about it, honestly. Perhaps I will just share the link to this post with him and go offline, then return later to read his replies. You can call me ‘the lover girl later’, but for now, I’ll take my ice cream alone in my room, and type out my feelings on here.

Picture is mine.