Friendship, Boundaries, and Difficult Decisions

2 months ago

Welcome back to my blog! Today, I will love to share something personal that transpired between my friend and me and my stand on the situation.

I have been an advocate for making friends, connecting with people, and offering assistance to one another. There's one popular statement I usually make every time, which is that we need each other to survive, and that's absolutely true. Great friends always come through for each other, and I am blessed to have friends who have had a great impact on my life and likewise on myself. However, I do not hesitate to set standards. There are some things I can do for friends, but there are also boundaries I observe, especially when it's sensitive.

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This week has been a rollercoaster for me. Most of my offline activities have been helping friends and family members, and I find joy and fulfillment in helping out when I can. The thank you and prayers I receive after each act of kindness are quite satisfactory and far more than what money can buy.

Last month, I mentioned in one of my posts about a close friend of mine who had a fire accident and has been in the hospital since January. I have been keeping in contact with her both physically and through constant communication, and fortunately, she has been recovering so well. On the other hand, the husband is the type that doesn't eat outside; he sticks with homemade food, and so his family in another state has been sending enough food to him after freezing it so it can last longer before he will need another one. It looks like the family wasn't able to meet up this time, and the man ran out of cooked food and yet doesn't want to eat in a restaurant. In view of this, my friend still in the hospital reached out to me and pleaded that I visit the market, buy food stuff, take it to her home, and cook varieties of food for her husband and have them preserved in the freezer. Hmmm, why can't I prepare this food in my house and take it to your husband? I asked. Must I stay in your house with your husband for hours cooking for him? Remember, I am married, and I feel this is not sitting so well with me. I feel that I am crossing my boundaries to the set standards for my way of life.

I couldn't accept this request, even though I understood my friend's situation. I can't imagine going to her home, where the husband lives alone. A lot of thoughts ran through my mind, and I felt so uncomfortable with the request. I do not go anywhere without telling my husband, and so I found this request so difficult to accept, and that's why I declined. Now, my friend is seeing me as someone without empathy. I feel bad that I couldn't help her this time. However, I made her know that when she is discharged from the hospital and returns home and then needs my assistance on anything in her home, I wouldn't hesitate to help out, but going to cook for her husband in her house with the man in there is not something I can do.

Do you think I should have accepted her request considering her health situation, or do you think otherwise?

Your feedback will be well appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

All images were taken from Canva.

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16 comments

@selflessgem70

2 months ago

I feel sad about her husband but it was not your fault at all. Setting boundaries because you are married is good for yourself and your husband too. I just hope that her husband would learn to cook for himself or to eat outside for him to survive. And to your dear friend, I hope she knows that it was not a good request to cook for food for someones husband or to stay in their home cooking for her husbad. Hopefully, you and your friend will still be good friends.

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