Story time: The Promise

Some things go in one ear and out the other, whilst other things stick for a lifetime. For me it was no different. I am not sure whether it was a relative or teacher who first recited these words to me, but I feel as though they have been in my cranium forever. I am referring to this amazing quote:

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As I write these words, I still feel stirred by them. They resonate deeply. Maybe it does the same for you because it certainly is one of the greatest quotes of all time. Everyone knows these famous words and they are truly inspiring. I feel as though they are a part of my upbringing although my parents never recited them to me. No need to - they were a part of my being. These words kept me motivated. There was no chance to slack off, get lazy or give up trying. For every new task or assignment that seemed arduous, these words would surface from the inner recesses of my mind.

It is always easier said than done though. Who can always live up to these lofty words? After university, I decided to take the Certified Public Accountancy Examination (CPA) exams. It is reputed to be one of the hardest exams due to its level, depth and quantity of subjects covered. It was the next logical step after my Accountancy degree. I decided to do it immediately to keep the momentum going. I paid for the courses, got the materials and started attending classes. Apart from studying, I had a good social life and a job in one of the most vibrant places in the world - Manhattan. I was constantly juggling socializing and achieving my goals. I made a plan and it seemed manageable. Some evenings I would attend classes and most weekends, I would study during the day and go out in the evenings. Things were going perfectly.

Then one beautiful evening in the month of August, I received a last-minute invitation to a party. It was on a boat going around the Manhattan island. As it sounded fun, I decided to accompany my friend. There were at least 75 to 100 people on board. We all looked dapper - dressed in a nautical theme. It was a lovely evening of dinner, dancing and socializing. Viewing the Statue of Liberty at sunset was extremely gorgeous and memorable. The sunset casted its yellow-orange glow across the evening sky. The dramatic skyline looked surreal.

I did not know that I would meet my future husband at that party, but I did. Falling in love was not in my plans - it is not something one can foresee. It was overwhelming and all consuming. It did not mean that my plans had to fall apart, but they did. I needed the Longfellow verse more than ever but love attacked all my sensibilities and good senses. “Carpe diem” became my mantra. Life is more than just about goals - right? I needed to live as well. I no longer attended classes, studying flew out the window! I sat the exams anyway. I knew I would fail and I did but at least I became familiar with the process. I would do them another time. I promised myself.

Actually falling in love was a total upheaval, not only of the senses but my whole life. Ten months later, I moved across "the Pond" to the Netherlands. I was lucky enough to have a job waiting for me. Despite being in a new job, making new friends, having a new relationship and new surroundings which needed exploration - I still wanted to keep my promise to myself. I wanted to do the exams. I wanted to reach those heights that I had temporarily left behind. I did not buy a television when I furnished my apartment because I knew soon enough I would need to focus. I knew it was not going to be easy. I had no professor to explain the materials or friends in similar circumstances to call. Most had passed when I failed. I needed to make a concerted effort. At a certain point, I started to study. However studying after working hours was tiresome and ineffective. I was wasting time, so I stopped studying. I needed to focus on my new job, so I did.

My goals were not abandon however. After about 14 months, I requested leave without pay for 2 months. I dusted off all the course materials and began to study. I can still see myself sitting alone in my apartment with the large binders and papers everywhere. At first it was exhausting and a bit intimidating. It was a lot to learn. There was so much material. I dreaded that I couldn’t do it on my own. I became nervous. Then Longfellow reminded me that there was no sudden flight. I regained my composure and worked methodically. Studying became easier. Some days I thought I would give up though. Other days I thought I was going crazy. I continued anyway. I studied around the clock.

The words of another famous quote from Ole Kirk Christiansen and my grandmother’s voice comforted me. I can still hear her saying to a younger me,
“My daughter, did you do your best?”
I would respond,
“I think so grandma.”
“Ok then. Just remember “only your best is good enough” - you cannot do more.”
These words helped. They quelled my fear of failing. Discipline kept me focused. Adrenaline kept me sharp.

I felt that I needed to use my leave responsibly. I did not meet new friends for dinners, nor did I do anything else but study. I only left the house for walks to the supermarket. When it was getting closer to my departure to New York for the exams, my husband (then boyfriend) told me that I needed a break. I had been eating, sleeping and breathing only the course materials. We decided to go about 25 minutes away, to a famous fishing village, called Volendam, to have dinner.

My husband was traveling a lot for work and also wanted to have an enjoyable evening. We had a great meal. It was nice to do something different but I was eager to return home. Being close to the study materials made me relax. If I thought of something and did not know the answer, I could immediately look it up. Despite that, I agreed to walk around this colorful fishing village before leaving. No sooner had we left the restaurant, than I saw my boss. He was walking with his wife and children and someone who could have been his twin. I was not seeing doubles although I totally panicked. I did not want him to see me. I thought I would not look serious. Afterall, I requested time for studying, not for sightseeing. I told my husband that we needed to leave. He argued that my boss would not care and that I'm allowed to eat and it's my unpaid leave. He could see that I was no longer comfortable, so without further protest he indulged me. He understood that it was not the time for pleasantries or discussion about my study process. I did not want undue stress. Maybe I was not thinking rationally but that did not matter. We went home.

I went to NYC a week before the exams. It was great to be there but this was not a social visit. I stayed with a good friend and no one else knew that I was there. I hardly saw her as I made appointments to do practice exams. I had done them all before but practice makes perfect. It gave me confidence. The 4 parts pen and paper exams then took 16 hours. I was not nervous. I did my best and passed with grades over 80% and for 1 part I had 90%. I did it!! I joined a Big 4 accountancy firm but have now left.

I’d promised myself and rose to the challenge by doing my utmost best. When needed, I toiled upwards in the night to achieve my goals. Hard work, dedication and motivation certainly paid off.

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The photo is my own

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This is my response to The Ink Well's prompt #19.