Soured loan - soured friendship?

Living in NYC was everything it promised and more. I feel very lucky when I reminisce. There was never a dull moment. Like most, my young adult life was about work and socializing. I indulged myself and met new people frequently.

One day I was introduced to Eugenie by her childhood friend, Nicole. She was very smart, multi-lingual and well-travelled. She was American but had studied at London School of Economics and lived for a while thereafter in England and France. We immediately clicked as we had a lot in common. Both my friends worked in Wall Street at top financial institutions and I worked in Greenwich, CT at a small one. As a result, both friends made larger salaries than I did.

Eugenie was a real “socialite”. She was always attending special events or flying off to somewhere exotic for a long weekend. She spent a lot of money on expensive brand named clothing and would never be “caught dead” wearing the same thing twice. As a result, she always looked amazing. However, everything came at a cost literally. Although she was always cheerful, I thought that was just a facade. She seemed a bit unsettled but who and I to judge.

At one point she had no place to live. A friend offered her a temporary place to stay while she got her act together. At that time, she asked me to lend her $1,000.
“I will return it in 3 months”, Eugenie promised. “By then I will have “things sorted”.
At first, I was surprised by the request. I told her that that was a large sum and I couldn’t believe that she needed a loan. She made so much more than me afterall.
“I have cash flow issues and just need to sout out some things. I promise that I will pay you back in 3 months. You know I wouldn’t ask if I did not need it.”, she added.

I told her that I would think about it. We were good friends by then and did a lot together. However, I did not know her that long, so I consulted with Nicole. She immediately said,

“You can loan her the funds if you want to but I wouldn’t. I am sure she makes more than both of us. What’s she doing with all her money? Did she tell you why she needed the money? She is so secretive - so I would not do it.”

I explained to Nicole that I had no idea about her track record and why she needed the loan and that is why I turned to her. Unfortunately, Nicole's response made me think but it was not comforting. Her words did not help but casted more doubt.

I was confused about what to do. I convinced myself that Eugenie would do the same for me if I ran into financial difficulties. I felt that I should help her. I figured she must have serious “issues” otherwise she would have an apartment of her own as well. I lent her the money in good faith. I did not request interest. She seemed relieved and truly grateful. That made me happy. Deep down, I felt the loan was against my better judgment but I wanted to help.

One month after the loan, Eugenie had to leave the friend’s place where she resided. She asked whether she could stay with me for at least a few weeks. What I observed when she lived with me was poor money management. She went out to dinners and parties a lot. That was the lifestyle of all young professionals in the city however. I did not want to be too judgmental. We had lots of fun when she stayed with me and she did not overstay her welcome. She found another place and left after 4 weeks.

When 3 months had passed - I waited for a phone call or a check in the post box. There was nothing. I thought,
“One does not need to be so precise it will come in a few days.”

A week passed and there was only silence from Eugenie. Hmmm. This was an uncomfortable situation so I called her and left a message. No response. I decided to take no further action but her silence would kill our friendship for sure.

Shortly afterwards we saw each other at a party. There was certainly “an elephant in the room.” She tried to avoid me but it was impossible. We greeted each other with a hug and kisses as always. She did not say a word about the repayment or lack of it and I said nothing. The party was not the setting for this discussion anyhow. I waited but heard nothing from her so the following week I had to mention it. She said,
“I felt so bad that I cannot pay you back - I was too embarrassed to say anything.”

I impressed upon her that communication would make things clearer as I am not an ogre. I asked her for at least partial payment. She gave me $50. It was better than nothing.

I then wondered whether this was going to take 19 more times and me asking for funds in order to be repaid. (That would be a long and drawn-out process - which creates this long and drawn-out tale). I hoped for the best but it did not happen. Eugenie avoided me whenever she saw me and did not return my calls. The next payment was months later after I’d expressed my disappointment and told her that she was ruining our friendship. She said,
“Oh Momogrow, I treasure our friendship sooo much - that is the last thing I would want. I am so absent-minded. I am sooo sorry.”
Then she proceeded to list all her expenses as now she had a studio which required furnishings etc.
I reserved sharing my thoughts regarding that comment. I like to avoid confrontations. She gave me $25. Much to my chagrin, in order to get any payment at all - I had to ask her every time. The worst part for me was when she pretended that she had paid me but she hadn’t. That was dishonest. Trust was dwindling. She was ruining our friendship for sure. I always gave her a dated receipt which she needed to sign. I kept a signed copy as well. I was not a fool. I felt as though I was being provoked. She saddened me and caused me a lot of stress.

On top of that, one day Nicole asked me whether I was repaid. I did not answer. She gave a sarcastic laugh while she said,
“I warned you not to do this.”
It was painful. Nicole made it her duty to ask me every so often about the status. I has to admit,
“You were right, but at least I get something when I ask.”
Nicole shook her head and said, "You are by far too nice."

I had no signed contract - only a verbal agreement. It took over 1 ½ years for me to retrieve all my funds. Maybe I should feel lucky that I got it back at all. The situation had soured our friendship. I did less things with her but I did not avoid her. She was certainly an interesting person. We had a lot in common but not this.

At some point after the loan was paid - she told me that that was the most embarrassing time of her life. She never explained what her “issues” were and I never asked. Thereafter, she was always very kind. I forgave her but I will never forget. The situation taught me many lessons. Firstly, I must always follow my gut instincts. Since then I've only lent 2 others money and there was zero stress. If I can afford it - I would rather give a gift than a loan, to avoid any potential nuisance.

It is now more than 2 decades later and Eugenie is still my friend. Neither of us live in NYC anymore. When we reminisce - we never speak about the time a loan soured and almost ruined our friendship.

This post is in response to Hive Learners prompt -#hl-w66e2

The photo is my own