LOH #173: I Choose to be...

As a child to a single mom, many people who know me would have already guessed what my answer to the second prompt would be.

Photo by Tiger Lily from Pexels

I know I would never find myself in such a situation, but if it does happen, I already made one mistake. I can’t make two. The reason is that this doesn’t involve just me anymore and the last thing I want to happen is for my child [planned or not] to grow up with a certain mindset in a negative environment. I may have been able to change the mindset I grew up with, but I can’t say that it would be the same for my child; especially if the circumstances become way more different. My mother got married to someone like that, so I have first hand experience on what it is like to grow with a single parent. Maybe this mentality is why I don’t fear loss – the loss of relationships in this context. My partner asked me if I was scared of losing him and till date, I am not sure if it was the right thing to answer him truthfully. I said,

“I am scared of dark and tight spaces and scorpions. Losing anyone is no fear of mine. The thought of being alone or loneliness doesn’t scare me.”

And that was the truth from the bottom of my heart. I do not fear losing people or ending up alone which is why I get perplexed when people enumerate it as their top fears. But everyone is wired different, so I can understand why I am not able to grasp their phobias. If I do end up getting pregnant for such a person, I would rather raise my child alone. I would be lying if I said I am thinking of only my child. Eh…no. I would not be able to stay with such a person because I am what people refer to as strong-willed. I would be anything but respectful to those who don’t accord me the same respect. I believe that age is only a number.

Also, I cherish family and believe in a 4-life partner. More than ever, I want to set a good example like my mother set for me. My child may not grow with the right mindset in such a household. How do I know?

I have lived with a couple. They got together because she got pregnant. The man’s people accepted her and they brought the boy into the world. Overtime, the man’s disregard for her became plain. As clear as day and their son grew up watching. Slowly, the boy began to exhibit as well. He incurred my wrath [which is very 'wrathless' so to speak] when he told his mother that she had no right to correct him because she did not complete her education. My mom was furious that day. So were the neighbors. All hell broke lose and the boy couldn’t escape even when his father wanted to fight for him. The men faced the man and so did the grandma [the man’s mother].

That is something I can never forget. Children exhibit and act according to their environment. They soak up what is around them and grow with it. My mother understood this and moved miles away from her ex-husband. She put me first. I will not settle. I would take my child and move. If the man ever grows a backbone and learns to be a real man, he can prove himself before it is too late. Of course, I would not want to set an example for my child with an incomplete home. But a home controlled by outsiders [even relatives] has to be worse. Which is why I would not find myself in such a situation. Because I will be tempted to stay and give my child a complete family – but it would be broken and so has no use.

For the record, these are just my opinions and thoughts. I am in no way speaking for the general public. I still have a lot to learn as a young adult and I take them one day at a time. Have a lovely day!