Time to Let It Go

The RV is officially ours!~ She doesn't quite run just yet, but with a little bit of hard work, we are hoping to get her on the road very soon!

Naturally it has been time to get things prepared: condensing possessions, getting rid of crap... Not that there's a whole lot to go through in the first place -- we're pretty minimalist! Pulled out a bin of memorable junk and I happened to come across this...

I don't consider myself to be a hoarder. Sometimes I have difficulty letting go of certain things after they have overstayed their welcome, but eventually each one's time comes... Even if it takes years... This heart is one of them.

An ex-boyfriend gave this to me during our relationship. He was/is an alcoholic; he gave this heart to me once his alcoholism became apparent to me, possibly because he sensed it was the beginning of the end. He was right, of course, but it still took another 2+ years for me to leave.

I was naïve, gullible, knew absolutely nothing about the demon known as alcoholism. It was very difficult to tell the difference between who was Dylan and who was his demons, and even more challenging to infer how much of Dylan's behavior and actions were being blamed on his demon.

At 6'3" and 270 lbs., Dylan was a gentle giant who had the potential and capability to be great --he just couldn't see it himself. Alcohol became the outlet for him to drown all of his sorrows, failures, fears, and happiness in. He loved me, I do not doubt that; I can infer that he still does nearly several years later. The problem was he could not commit to change, alcohol became a crutch, and I could not, in good conscience, stay in a destructive relationship that I was being blamed for.

So I left...

But I kept the heart! 😂 I don't know why I did! It was never about "holding onto hope," that he would get better and we'd get back together; I've had a couple of opportunities to be with Dylan again. I have no desire to be with him. No, I think I kept it for "sensory" purposes! It's really fun to hold -- it's incredibly smooth and fits in my hand perfectly. It sparkles beautifully when the light hits it just right. And simply the symmetrical heart-shape is captivating as well.

... Until my toddler cracked it, kind of destroying the illusion with it! 😅

But it has given me time to reflect. Even if I held onto it for the fact that "it's pretty," it doesn't change the fact that it comes with a history. And what am I supposed to tell my husband when he sees it? "Oh, that was from an ex, but he means nothing to me! it just looks nice~ 😇" Like we all haven't heard that one before!

There will be plenty of other things that I will find "pretty," things that will not come with the connotation of alcoholism. But most importantly, things that will be beautiful reminders of the love that my husband and I now share... in the form of our children 💕