The Tesla Fever Dream and Other Market Delusions

3:17 AM. Can't sleep. The numbers keep spinning.

TSLA down 9% Thursday. Stock hammered this year, down 24% in 2025, worst performer among tech megacaps. And here I am, staring at the ceiling, wondering how we got to a place where Tesla's digital assets worth $1.24 billion somehow sounds like good news when adjusted net income fell $419 million to $1.4 billion, a 23% drop that outpaced the 13.5% sales decline.

The math doesn't add up but the market keeps pretending it does.

You want to know what's really keeping me awake? Bitcoin sitting at $117,328 while everyone acts like crypto winter never happened. Meanwhile, Meta earnings coming Wednesday and somehow we're all supposed to pretend the AI revolution is still printing money when Tesla just proved that even the golden child can bleed.

My phone keeps buzzing. Alerts. Price movements. The usual cacophony of a market that's lost its damn mind.

Major indexes edged higher despite Intel's post-earnings plunge. Trump and Powell toured the Fed's renovation in hard hats and Trump said Powell's job is safe. Hard hats. Powell's job is safe. While Tesla burns through another quarter and we're supposed to smile and nod because the Fed chairman gets to keep his office.

The beautiful irony? Alphabet reported second-quarter net income of $62.74 billion and nobody's talking about it because we're all fixated on the EV company that can't sell cars. Google prints money like it's going out of style and we're obsessing over Tesla's crypto holdings.

This is what passes for market analysis now. Parse the digital asset footnotes while the core business crumbles. TSLA down 8.5% from highs of $338 to $310, 7.5% down from yesterday's close. The technical analysis crew is drawing boxes and calling it demand zones while the fundamentals scream in a language nobody wants to understand.

And the really twisted part? I'm part of this machine. Sitting here at 3 AM, calculating position sizes and risk metrics, trying to find signal in the noise of a market that's forgotten why companies exist in the first place.

Tesla was supposed to be the future. Electric dreams and autonomous everything. Now it's a case study in what happens when narrative meets reality and reality doesn't give a damn about your story. 52-week range from $182 to $488.54. That's not a stock price, it's a temperature reading on mass delusion.

The pre-market numbers are already moving in Singapore. Green futures, red futures, sideways futures. None of it matters until the opening bell and all of it matters because someone somewhere is placing bets based on hard hat photo ops and crypto footnotes.

I close my eyes and see the charts. Red candles burning through support levels. Green spikes that disappear faster than campaign promises. The endless scroll of numbers that add up to nothing and everything at once.

Tomorrow I'll wake up and write something coherent about market fundamentals and long-term value creation. Tonight, I'm just another insomniac watching Tesla's after-hours price dance while Bitcoin mocks us all from six figures and Google counts money nobody cares about.

The market isn't rational. It never was. But at least it used to pretend.

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