That Day I Got My Heart Broken... Well, Not Really! XD

A few weeks ago, I ended my exclusivity with my partner. At first, I thought it would be different from a committed relationship because we didn't have a label, but when we tried it, the pressure didn't really disappear. It felt like I was performing; I became careful about what I was allowed to do or not... I worried about stuff like pressuring each other.

So, before it became a disaster, I decided to end it and go back to being friends. He felt bad that things hadn't worked out and that I had to be the one to make the decision. and that I ended up making the decision, which he respected. I thought I was okay at that time, but I actually cried. Even though we weren't official, it still somehow broke my heart.

I don't really talk much about our situation in detail, even at home, but during that time I told my mom and cried again. hahaha... so dramatic!

Luckily, my mom didn't ask me a lot of questions; instead, she asked me not to stay in my room and to come out into the garden to get some sun, and I did. I felt better somehow, and I was grateful to her. But when I came back to my room, the situation entered my mind again. I couldn't help it. I didn't really regret my decision, but somehow, it was just sad.

Then about an hour later, it rained... it was pouring. I like the rain, but it made my gloomy feeling darker. However, my mom asked me if I wanted to bathe in the rain... I knew she was trying to cheer me up, but her invitation sounded really enticing, so I accepted, and we went out to play in the rain!

🌧⛈
We actually stayed out for around an hour just getting soaked. It felt really refreshing. We tried to pull some weeds while the soil was soft; we walked around in the grass and said hello to the neighborhood kid who was also playing in the rain. The water was cold on my skin, but it felt really good. After playing in the rain, my mood became so much better that when he texted me to ask how I was feeling, I told him I'd been playing in the rain with my mom, so I was having a great time.

He was also on vacation in Japan at that time. A couple of days later, he told me that it snowed for the first time this year in Hokkaido and sent me a video of the first snow. It was beautiful!

Nothing really changed much with the way we communicate, except the fact that it felt more free! I guess trying to get rid of that status helped us become more ourselves... no performing, no thinking whether something is allowed or not. Of course, we set boundaries... in the end, he's still someone I consider my safe space... and I decided to live with my new motto:

恋愛はめんどくさい。でも、キュンキュンするのは好き！

Hahaha... Having a label or a status felt quite taxing for me. I guess I'm really a free bird... and I assume it's the same with him. We enjoy each other's company better without the pressure. It's funny how we both like each other and are attracted to each other, but a relationship doesn't really suit us. If we met in person, it may or may not change, but I'm happier now. Romance may have been troublesome for both of us, but at least we're keeping the butterflies alive. hahaha

Okay... I'll stop now... My midnight self can be really talkative...
But before I end this post, I just want to thank my mom for making me so much better that day. Thanks, mama! I love you so much! <3