Dust Yourself Off and Try Again...

I think I'm ready to be pregnant again...

I've been feeling really strange lately... Ever since our first miscarriage a few months back, the idea has been going back and forth in my mind. We have not actively been trying, but we have not been prohibiting it in any manner either. The entire time I was very reluctant; I struggled with the notion of going through another 9 months of sickness, and did I truly believe that I had the strength to endure it again?

But as we took our two girls trick-or-treating last night, and especially first thing this morning, I could hear the message clearly in my heart: I am ready to be pregnant again. There is no more noise, or uncertainty, or second guessing, or fear -- I know that now is the right time. This message comes to me during a time where we are a month away from being in our family home 🙏❤️

It also comes during a time of heavy grief. An experience has not made an impact in this way since I first heard the story of Harper Briar, a 6-month-old baby who was killed at daycare via medication. She would be 6-years-old today...

(News article in regards to her death: https://www.wcax.com/2024/03/12/vt-child-care-provider-sentenced-prison-babys-death/)

This time it is the story of 8-month-old Noah Vasquez, a baby who suffocated during co-sleeping. Immensely loved, and such a happy baby. Just an unintentional accident... He would be 3 today.

(Source: https://www.beckerfamilyfuneral.com/obituary/noah-vazquez)

I know it may seem strange to be inspired by someone else's story in this way. Personally, I think I'm just a person who enjoys making herself cry lol... Noah's family have since had another child, but it reminded me of how beautiful grief can be, when we have hope.

The mother put it perfectly: "The pain is still there, but now it isn't all that is there."

If I had suffered my miscarriage knowing there would never be another chance to have another child, I would be devastated...

And yet, nothing is set in stone. We did not have the chance to start a life with the baby that we lost, but there is still hope for more life. I sat down with myself and truly thought about it, if that had been my last chance, or if I should suffer another tragedy in the future, but my soul told me that I am not done having children. I know that I want to have more children. I know that right now, this is my purpose, so that's that!: I'm going to continue to have children until the day I feel otherwise.

Being a mother has taught me a lot, not only about myself, but the world around me. We are all meant to fight our own unique battles -- we cannot all share the exact same battles -- and so my heart goes out to those who are in a similar boat as us. The loss of innocent life is the greatest tragedy of this earth. We may not understand it in this lifetime, but someday we will know the reasons why....