What I’m Releasing, What I’m Carrying Forward

Strip away the tinsel. What remains?

When the whole celebration has ended, and the noise has settled in, what is left is usually the truth spoken to us, the one we tried not to accept at first.

Two days before I left my hometown, a young pastor came around, and as we were talking, he shared how he never realised he had anger issues until he began dating. He thought that because of how friendly he was around everyone, but relationships exposed the other side of him. He said he quickly took it back to God immediately.

As I listened, I saw myself in that situation.

For over three years, I have been intentionally working on my anger and hot temper. I constantly prayed about it, and yes, I disciplined myself. I was always more patient outside than with my family. Distance made me believe healing was complete, and I was no longer the person I used to be.

Until I went home last month to celebrate the new year with my family.

At first, I had determined to be calmer, I prayed about it, and it was even part of the reason I didn’t want to go home. But how do you overcome what you never wanted if you aren’t tested with it? Sadly, I didn’t control myself, and the anger came back. In fact, I had forgotten how harshly I spoke to my younger sister a few weeks back. I didn’t know my words wounded her deeply, that she cried. She reported it to our older sister.

I only found out about this during our conference call with my siblings.

The difference this time was how I responded to it. Before, I would have raised my voice, defended myself and insisted that my opinion was right. I had been praying about it since I got back home because the truth was, I do not like it when I get angry, and it would affect others. Even before the conference, I had resolved that this new year would be marked by more patience.

While they talked and pointed out my mistakes, I stayed calm. In fact, I had to mute my mic so I could listen more. At that point, I understood my younger sister’s pain. As her elder sister, I could have corrected her in love and guided her with wisdom rather than speaking harshly to her. I allowed anger to lead, and it cost us emotional safety.

Anger is heavy. It weighs the heart down and opens the door that could have remained closed. I allowed myself to embrace the corrections given and promised to do better again this year. I hated that such a thing happened because I didn’t want anything to come between my siblings and me. One thing I totally understand is that family is meant to be a place of refuge, not fear or fight.

And because of this, I choose to release uncontrolled anger, sharp words and the pride that convinces me I am always right - unwilling to listen to another. For this intentional change, I had signed up for some devotions that involved anger management and how to practice self-control.

What I choose to carry forward is calmness, self-control, and patience with love. I have been meditating on this particular scripture in the Bible as a daily reminder for me that a person without self-control is like a broken wall, open to attack at any time. I don’t want to be like that anymore.

So I strip away the tinsel, and what remains is the work God keeps working in me, and also, my willingness to let Him transform me completely.

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