Not stingy, just minimalist

I have broken some friendship because my lifestyle didn't align with theirs in any way. I have set boundaries that even friendship cannot cross. My friendship with Angela was the worst of them all. I had to dissolve the friendship because she refused to respect my decision, even after I calmly explained to her that being a minimalist was my choice. It gives me peace, happiness, and comfort in living simply. Yet, every chance she got, she would sarcastically throw it in my face, calling me names like Aka gum (stingy hand) or Queen of Okirika (thrift queen).

There was a time we were invited to a wedding, and the bride wanted us to be part of her Asoebi. Knowing how expensive Asoebi is in Nigeria, I couldn’t do it because I have always seen it as a waste of cash, time and energy just to make the bride happy. The material and style they chose weren’t things I could use afterward, and there were more expenses ahead, things like matching shoes, purse, and accessories. The bride wanted us dressed alike from head to toe. That wasn’t my lifestyle, and it went against my minimalist rules, so I quietly opted out.

Angela insisted, but I refused. She got angry, called me stingy, and told me to loosen up and stop acting like an mbeke (village girl). She even offered to cover 60% of the cost, but I still refused. She went alone, but then she did something I felt was unnecessary and uncalled for. Angela told the bride to distance herself from me because I was stingy and classless. She claimed I could only afford okirika clothes and went as far as calling me a village girl.

The gossip and backlash were unnecessary. I was really upset, but I controlled my emotions and simply smiled after the bride told me what Angela had said. I was silent for a while before I explained myself. I gave her my reasons for not wanting to be part of the Asoebi. At one point, I was tempted to show her my account balance, just to prove that I wasn’t broke nor poor. I even thought of showing her my wardrobe to back up my point that I live with less, and that everything I own is necessary. If I don’t need it, I don’t buy it.

Thankfully, the bride understood me perfectly. She even spoke about Angela’s character, but I didn’t want to hear it, so I ended the conversation politely. Afterward, I considered calling Angela to confront her because I was angry, but on second thought, I felt it wasn’t worth it. The bride was the one who could have felt hurt by my refusal, but since she already understood me, there was no need to waste my energy on confrontation. I decided to keep my distance from Angela. I may have wanted her friendship, but I realized I didn’t need it.

Angela’s actions and words felt like a threat to me. At some point, she almost pushed me into breaking one of my minimalist rules: “If I don’t need it, I don’t get it.” For example, the day we went to the market for foodstuff, she wanted us to buy a full basket of tomatoes to share. I didn’t need that quantity. She insisted and suggested different ways I could store it. Even though her idea was good, it wasn’t on my list. I didn’t need it at that moment. Despite my explanations, it always ended with her hurtful words. I wished she had respected my decision. But she crossed the line when she went as far as talking about me to the bride.

I learnt that people will always mistake my minimalist lifestyle for being stingy, by calling me names like Aka gum or Okirika Queen. But what matters most is how I handle it, especially when their words hurt deeply. Staying calm and taking time to think before explaining my choices. And if it doesn’t work, it’s better to quietly pull away, so no one damages my peace and happiness.

I discovered that I have grown a thick skin to protect my choices. I am certain of my decisions, my choice which they see as a flaw. In the end, I was satisfied with how I handled the situation without feeling bad or unhappy because someone was able to understand and respect my flaws.

Image is mine.

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