How are you?

Just like a computer programmed to give a specific response we've been conditioned and made to believe that the right response to the therapeutic question "How are You" is; I am fine.
But, are you really fine?
Isn't something bothering you?
What keeps you up at night?
What's that invasive problem that keeps on playing in your head?
What's making you depressed?
Is it your job, relationship, finances, education, health?
Did you lose something of value?
Did you fail to accomplish your goals?
If your answer to any of the questions above is a resounding No then are you really okay?
Now you and I both know saying "I am fine" to those deep questions will be a lie, and if someone asks you; do you lie? of course you'll say no I'm not a liar, which is funny because we lie about a simple but therapeutic question; How are you by saying I'm fine, when the truth is you are not in the least fine.

It's okay I understand, why waste time explaining your problems to people that don't even care because even if you say I'm not fine what would anyone you tell do about it? Nothing I guess. But this is what I believe we all know we live in a world where not one person is fine, to be fine is to be perfect without problems yet we all have problems both the rich, middle class and poor. We all have issues that if we want to explain to everyone who ask hey how are you would make the person say hey sorry I'm not your therapist so easily we say I'm fine, and then you go ahead to aslo inquire of the person's welfare and you get the same response and you know it's a lie because the eyes and facial response don't lie. So I believe saying I'm surviving, or I'm thriving is way much better than saying I'm fine because it makes the person inquiring understand that you would have said I am fine but that's not true instead now you enable the person see that I'm going through a lot but I'm strong enough to keep on going and then it opens the floor for someone genuine to actually go further and offer to help in anyway they can if they can.

I also advise you have someone special who you can trust to be vulnerably open to, who will not be judgmental, someone who even if the person can't solve your problem whatever it may be yet listens and sympathies with you and makes you feel the hope of light even in the darkness. Such people are rare so when you find one remember to go easy on them with your issues because they too also have their own load they're carrying and would also need you too to become that special person to them who they can also confide in.

In as much as the bible says; "Each man will carry his own load" it goes on to say we should encourage one another and be our brother's keeper and also say kind words to each other. Why? Because even God knows that we are not fine even when we say we are and we would always need some encouragement to keep on going when the going gets tough.

So the next time someone ask you "how are you" smile and say I'm surviving, trust me the person will understand. But hey if in all sincerity you are really "fine" by all means please let whoever inquire of your welfare know that you are indeed fine.

So once again friend, How Are You?

Images are mine.