NO, AND THE PEACE THAT FOLLOWED

The word 'NO', often times seems like a death sentence to the lips whenever it want to slip out, and then we end up swallowing it back inside just so we can please others even though it is detrimental to us. I have been subjected to situations and scenario's where even though I had things to do, I still end up saying yes to others whenever they come asking, neglecting and giving less attention as well as focus to what I have to do or rather what I was doing.

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Because I was a yes guy always, people took advantage of it and always come and request unimaginable things from me that they themselves can handle, just so they can have free time at hand. Most of my life, I had considered and associated kindness to mean saying yes always whenever I was needed. I just automatically say yes to other people's request, yes to favors, and even responsibilities that weren't mine to bear I tend to say yes to it just so I can be in the good books of that person and earn their respect in the process.

But each time I say those yes, it always comes with a cost for me, because it made me carry the weight of everybody's expectation to the point where I tend to crumble inside me. My mind was restless as a result of it, my body tired from bearing all those responsibilities, but yet still I kept forcing a smile on my face just to make it seem ok on the outside. There were nights were I stayed awake, very angry with myself as to why I just couldn't say no at the time when it matters the most.

Everything changed recently when I realised the importance of saying no, it is not a weakness but rather a strength, because I cannot give my best to people if am always saying yes to things that always wear me down. I mustered the courage one day and said no to a particular request from my boss, clarifying him about what is important to me that will make me grow.

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The incident happened last week Friday, exhausted from work that particular day, barely able to keep my eyes open after a long week, my boss (my company manager) called me into his office and as usual asked me to stay behind to finish a particular project that wasn't even mine to begin with, complaining about the incompetence of the person handling it. I felt my chest tightened as I almost agreed to the request just to prove my competency, but something inside me snapped that day.

Maybe it was the heaviness in my body, maybe it was the quiet whisper in my soul begging for rest but all I knew was that I swallowed hard at that moment, looking at my boss, I said the words "No sir, I can't do that today, my apologies". The silence that followed afterwards felt endless as my palms were sweaty, my heart racing because I was expecting anger, disappointment and maybe even punishment because that was the first time I outrightly declined a request from me, but instead he simply sighed and said "Alright, don't worry I will handle it".

The storm and disaster I was expecting never came, but instead I felt free. As I walked out of the office that night I felt an unimaginable sense of relief and freedom suddenly wash over me, because for the first time in years I chose myself, I protected my own boundaries and it felt like breathing fresh air after being trapped underwater for too long. Since then I have learnt to practice saying no in small honest ways and I realise that some people have decided to pull away from me as result of it since I wouldn't bend anymore. But the one's who are honest and truly cared stayed.

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Most importantly I stopped betraying myself, I stopped waking up with the heaviness in my chest because I found time for the things I love, for peace and for rest also. What I discovered from all this is that saying no isn't about rejection but rather respect, because every no I speak is a yes to myself, my peace, my health, and my truth. That has been the most powerful lesson of my life so far.

What about you, are you still saying Yes to every request? Think it through my friend, because it's important you find yourself.