I Have No Idea What I’m Doing…

Has that thought ever hit you? Well yeah. Many of us get those “aha” moments when we realise we’re way in over our heads. Sometimes, it is a good thing because there’s room for growth and development. Other times it’s not so good. You realise you’re dealing with things that are not supposed to be.

Anyway, I realised I’m way in over my head here but in a good way. I want to try something but then I’m fixated on the process of it and if I’d ever get the results I want. My friend told me to do it anyway. He said overthinking is what kills creativity. He said, “you look at it and it doesn’t look just quite right and then you overthink, procrastinate, and end up with an abandoned project.”

He isn’t wrong. I find that’s my problem. I make things and then doubt them because it’s not as perfect as I imagined it. I wanted to create this image some months back and what I had in my head isn’t what I could create. I watched tutorial videos and stuff but I failed to realise I didn’t have all the tools. I had the softwares, yes, but that could only work on what I give it. What I wanted to give it wasn’t what I gave because I didn’t have the equipment needed. Which is fine.

I went ahead to create anyway and when I began to get frustrated at the result, my friend reminded me how I started and how it’s not instant magic. I’m grateful for that. So, I had to lower my expectations and work on what I had. It wasn’t bad at all. With time, I hope to share some of them on my Instagram account.

That too is something I’m finding my way around. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m reading and watching as many helpful tips and videos as I can. Not just that but also putting them to practice.

I used to pride myself as one that paid attention to details. However, in 2024, with the help of a good friend, I realised that I get overwhelmed when the information and expectations are “too much” and then I detach and prefer not to do anything at all. Sometimes, I experience short bursts of anger towards these things. She helped me realise that this was okay and I could take my time working through it. She said it’s the same with her sons. It was quite the eye opener and also an assurance that I can change.

Anyway, I’ve been working on that till now. I’m not perfect yet. I get a huge headache just looking at bullet points of everything I need to do and sometimes, I just get so paralysed. But hey, I have also learned how to take each task apart one by one. It’s always a very slow process and it requires me to start very early. That’s a bonus. Sometimes, I finish early, sometimes at expected times and sometimes, late too.

If you have no idea what you’re doing now, it’s fine. You’ll learn. Just keep showing up and be willing to learn.