Adulting or something like that…

Today I got a headset. It’s something that I’ve recently been thinking about and I finally had it delivered today. When the delivery guy called in the morning to say he would be coming later in the day, I was so excited. I cant remember when last I was that excited about something like this. I don’t even think I was this excited when I changed my phone.

And when I got home, I quickly freshened up and got into unboxing my new toy. I’m still so excited about it. I know this excitement will eventually go away but this is the one thing I’ve always looked forward to about being an adult. Being able to afford the things I want without bothering a single person.

Adulthood is hard, yes. No one has it easy and I don’t think we can have a manual for it cause everyone experiences things differently. What I’m learning now is to not put so much pressure on myself by setting unrealistic timelines and making unnecessary comparisons.

I’m not living the life that I wish to, I’m very far from it. But I know I’ve also come along way from where I used to be.

Right after I made the payment for this new purchase, I spent a while looking at my account balance and wondering if I would have it easy next month. And that’s the hard part. When we were kids, we would just enjoy the gifts we received without worrying about what happens tomorrow. But now, before and after every purchase, you have to decide if it’s worth it and what it means for your financial goals.

Financial aside, I’ve always struggled with relationships of all kinds. It had me doing too much because I thought that’s what I needed to do the keep people around me. But right now, I really do not care if I don’t talk to anyone all day. Phone calls even makes me a bit anxious. I sit back and think about all the things I did to get validation from people that I wouldn’t even think twice about now. This is something I’ve come to love about being an adult.

I really do enjoy the struggle. I take notice of every little challenge I go through in a day and as hard as some days are, I feel fulfilled when I lay down to sleep.

I do acknowledge that I’m not the only one in this struggle and knowing that it’s a phase of life and having a few friends around me makes it all worthwhile.

The hardest thing I’m dealing with right now, things that just takes seconds to bring me down completely, is toxic family relations. As a kid, I never really knew the people around. We were just told everyone is an uncle, aunt or cousin and that was it. But growing into an adult, you get involved in certain conversations and find out things that totally change how you thought of certain people. And the worst part is, it’s not so easy to get out of such relationships because of the family ties.

There’s this person I’ve always had an issue with and my mom would always try to talk me into being the bigger person. But recently, she has come to realize I’ve always being right but still, she wants to make peace. In my head, why can’t I just cut this person off and live my life?
But being an adult has to do with learning how to manage relationships and make the most out of them.

All images are mine