The kindness I thought was a mistake
Growing up, I used to think my mom was too soft for this world
My dad died a long time ago, so it’s been just my mom raising the five of us. And even though life wasn’t easy at all, one thing that stood out the most was how kind she is. A kind of kindness that confused me as a child. I used to think it was a weakness. But now that I’m older, I see that it was never weakness, it was strength.
My mom is one of the most disciplined people I know. She doesn’t tolerate nonsense, but she also doesn’t repay evil with evil. She always says, “Do your part and leave the rest. The world has a way of balancing itself.” That was hard for me to accept back then. Especially during festive periods like Christmas or Ramadan when neighbors share food.
In Nigeria, it’s common for Muslims to give Christians food during Ramadan and Christians do same during Christmas. But my mom? She never just returned what she received. She always gave better. If someone brought us rice with only one small piece of meat, she would give back rice with plenty meat, drinks and sometimes even extra food items. I used to ask her, “Why are you giving them more than they gave us?” She would just smile and say, “Maybe that’s all they could afford. Celebration doesn’t happen every day. If we’re still neighbors next year, maybe they’ll do better.”
She’s not doing it to show off. My mom hates show-offs. She does it because she believes in giving back with a good heart, no matter what. Even if someone gives her the same “small thing” year after year, she still gives with her whole heart. It used to annoy me. I felt people were using her. But today, I realize she was teaching me that kindness is not a transaction. It’s a way of life.
There was a time we were so broke that eating twice a day was a struggle. But the day we had a little breakthrough and got a bag of rice at home, my mom didn’t wait to secure it for ourselves first. Half of that rice went to people around us, other struggling families or those who helped her when we had nothing. She doesn’t like owing anyone. She always says, “If I have, I must balance the scale.” And because of that, no matter how hard things got, none of us ever had to go live with someone else. She kept us together.
Now I look back and realize what I thought was punishment, giving when we barely had anything, was actually her way of sowing good seeds. She taught us by action, not just words. And today, I carry that lesson with me: never repay evil with evil, and never let lack stop you from being kind.
