Soft Locks

When I was a young girl, I was always with my mom’s phone to play games, and that was all. I never understood whether it was wrong or right to check her phone. Even then, my dad’s phone was always out of reach. He made it clear that no one should touch his phone, not because he was hiding anything, but because he saw it as a form of respect not to take an elder’s phone.

Honestly, I never saw my mom checking his phone, even when it was placed anywhere in the house. Everyone respected their boundaries and principles, and that atmosphere shaped my understanding of privacy from an early age.

I grew up understanding this principle. Believe me, I don’t like people checking my phone unless I give them permission. I am also transparent with it. Knowing I have nothing to hide could easily make me hand over my phone at the moment it’s asked for.

One thing I ensure, however, is that no one tampers with certain things on my phone, especially when they start going deeper and turning my phone settings upside down. I have experienced this before, and it wasn’t a good one. It taught me that access without boundaries can quickly become uncomfortable.

If my siblings ask for my phone, I release it when necessary, especially when I am not using it. But these days, scrolling through your partner’s phone can easily lead to misunderstandings, stemming from everything from misinterpretations to emotional triggers.

Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with checking your partner’s phone, especially when you have become one, except that you're hiding a skeleton, which, in most cases, seems to be the issue.

Infidelity has been a significant reason some partners restrict the other from checking their phones. No transparency, just mistrust.

A woman who constantly checks her partner’s phone might be doing so for two reasons: one, nothing is hidden, and it’s just a form of entertainment; the other, insecurity or a lack of trust. The motive behind the action matters more than the action itself.

When a partner goes through his or her partner’s phone for the wrong reason, it’s often because they aren’t trusting themselves and need reassurance. I believe you don’t have to feel scared or guilty when someone accesses your phone, unless you are hiding a secret.

When your hands are pure, I bet you can even leave your phone somewhere without feeling ashamed or afraid. Peace of mind often reveals the state of the heart.

For me, I wouldn’t mind if my partner goes through my phone because I know I won’t be hiding anything from him. I love being transparent with everything. I would want him to do so, too. But if his principle is not to open his phone, as with my dad’s, then I feel it should be respected, and boundaries should be set.

It wouldn’t be because something is hidden secretly from me. When we are married, we are one, and we should be free to check each other’s phones without going overboard, because in everything, there should be a limit. Freedom without restraint can also become unhealthy.

In fact, I don't go through anyone's phone as I used to before. I feel it's a private thing, and when I need to, I ask for permission and only limit myself to what I need to do with it. I love privacy and respect it a lot.

When partners do not trust each other, even something as little as accessing a phone can become a big issue that could lead to separation, and that’s not a good one.

If you aren’t hiding anything, why flare up when your partner checks your phone? It’s called trust, transparency, and alignment, without any skeletons in the cupboard or wardrobe. At the end of the day, trust, respect, and clear boundaries must walk hand in hand.

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_{The images are mine}