Growth From Within

People say I look too small for my age. I get it. I'm one of those people who eat and eat but never gain weight. My friends sometimes tease me about this, talking about my growth being stunted. That's fine though. At least emotionally, my growth is appreciable.

I had a very close friend who felt entitled to everything. If someone refused to show up for her, she'd immediately beef with the person, forgetting all the other times they'd been there for her.

"Demanding" was too mild a word for this girl. Being constantly around such a person, I was gradually infected by that attitude. I started to whine if my parents couldn't get me certain things I'd asked for on time. I'd always compare them to other parents, sulk and refuse to smile at home.

I was so bitter because I believed I was a good girl who deserved every good thing from her parents. I never got into fights, I was respectful, responsible, and my grades were always straight As. I would always think of how some of my arrogant mates who weren't half as good as me were getting everything handed to them on a silver platter anyway.

Months after cultivating this attitude of discontentment and comparisons, I came across an old friend and we had a chat. I was in my first year of University by then. As usual, I was blabbering about how my parents were refusing to meet my demands and a whole lot. This old friend of mine simply listened to me yammer on and on.

When I was done, she calmy said yes, I'm right about the fact that my parents brought me into this world and are therefore the ones to provide my needs. But I should be content with whatever they're able to provide me, even if I feel like I deserve better. Also, I shouldn't expect anything from anyone. She asked me to always bear in mind that no one owes me anything. Everyone has their load to carry. If I thought like this, I wouldn't be disappointed and bitter if someone was unable to show up for me in times of need.

I was skeptical about this advice at first, but I actually sat down and reasoned it through. Yes, I still believed it wasn't fair, but I took it anyway because the old friend was someone I respected and admired very much.

Taking this advice was when I started growing mentally and emotionally. My mind was freed from the shackles of expectations I'd put on others, and just like the old friend had said, I was actually saved from constant bitterness and heartbreak. Instead of nagging when I couldn't have things go my way, I rather showed genuine appreciation for the ones that did.

My parents and those around me witnessed this change in me too. They'd always say "wow, you're different now." I would beam inwardly because I knew it was a confirmation of my mental and emotional growth.

I've come to learn that growth is not linear though. Sometimes, I overthink and wonder if I'm becoming low maintenance by being so content with everything. What if I deserve better, and I need to stand up for myself more?

But I'd always tell myself that if being content with whatever I was handed meant I was being taken for granted, at least I had my sanity and heart intact. And I know that is absolutely worth it.

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