Approval to Fit In

Somehow, as humans, we want to receive the “thumbs up.” We want to be approved by others for one reason or the other. It could be to be part of a group, say part of the “cool guys.“ Or to feel among or just to be a part of a trend. In any case, there's the endearing desire to gain approval from people, which seems to be a character in humans. Not wholesome, not good, but we've been complicit in this matter in some way.

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The issue is that this desire should be limited and constrained. Or maybe we need to find a way to suppress such desires because not everything that we should want is the approval of people. This is because it can be destructive and devastating in some cases. In fact, most of the things we seek approval for are not sound or acceptable. I'm not trying to generalise, but you can agree with me in most cases, such is it.

I'll say that I've not been one who really desires approvals, especially when they have to do with getting to be a part of a group, a part of a trend or something in that line. The opposites of these are okay. The desire is to live a good, purposeful life that leaves behind me a good name, not to find some approval. Nevertheless, I've been caught in this approval trap. Yes. Sometimes, I look back on those moments and I'm feeling, why in the first place?

Okay, this one wasn't much of a big deal. It invites this discussion because I feel I should've been myself in some cases, rather than wanting to “fit in” which didn't really feel cool at the end for me. I'm used to being kind of quite reserved during group conversations. Not trying to jump in and just say stuff because others are doing it. I wouldn't say I'm quiet though, just not as loud and chatty as the others were. Time after time, it didn't settle well, so I felt to fit in.

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That was the beginning of me trying to be unnecessarily and overly engaged in these conversations, if I may say so. I would try to say what doesn't probably invite me to chipping in during our conversations or gatherings. Slowly, it was forcefully becoming an unneeded desire that was becoming a part of my actions and character, to fit in during conversations. Well, I had to drop it. And like I said, sometimes, it feels like, why even do that? Haha. That's the thing with approval traps.

Not to say I don't engage well during conversations. No. But trying to do more to match others was the issue. I always try to watch my words while dishing them. However, having it that way was pushing me to even say some things I wouldn't normally say or with less consideration. Not that they are entirely bad, but they might not be things I would usually just say. Nonetheless, I learnt to be myself; be engaging in our conversations and not to fit in or so. Though I lean there sometimes.

Thank you for reading through!