Loving Firmly: Parenting without Spoiling
As time goes on and we grow older, some of our perspectives about life change.
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There was a time when I used to say that having a child or partner is not necessary, and not everyone will have one, even though it is true that not everyone will have a child, but it is necessary, and it is a joyful thing to have one.
I was loved and cared for by my parents and siblings, but right from childhood, I have always wanted to do things on my own. I never want to be a burden to anyone.
The last time I asked for my parents' support was when I was still in secondary school. I left home 2 months after I graduated from school, and since then, I never asked them for money.
The weird part was that I lacked a lot when I left home, but never for once did I remember that I had parents that I could call to send me money, yea it was not all rosy at home and probably that is why my mind didn't go there or just that my independent nature as taken over me completely... I just know that if I had made a call, my parent would give me something regardless of how tight it was, or they could give me a date they would send it...
The independent trait helped me a lot in life, I do not depend on people for help, and I don't pester people or ask them for stuff, I prefer solving my problems on my own, if someone even tells me that I should ask them for help when I need it, I am likely not going to call or message them for help especially when it deals with money because it is not just my thing.
This trait helped me to be hardworking and think well before making financial decisions, and I would love all my kids to have the trait.
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So scrap that I won't let my children go through what I went through. It is a learning phase, and they should not be deprived of learning so they can be useful to themselves and their family in the future.
Here are some things I would do and won't do..
It is not everything he desires that I would get for him: The habit of not wanting our children to suffer and hence we will buy whatever they crave for or want is a way to make them rely on us heavily and this could affect them in the future because they might not be motivated to work for their own money knowing their parent is always there to provide for them.
So sometimes we need to deprive them of something to make them understand that, at some point in life, they also need to work hard to get what they want.
I will guide them in fulfilling their dreams and making them a better person in life: It is the prayer of every parent that their children to be greater than them, the best way to make this happen is to guide them, send them to school and make sure they do not lack the tools needed to achieve their dreams through money and proper guidance.
I have many stories to tell my children, which I believe would motivate them. I would give them different seeds and water; it is up to them to decide which seed they would love to plant... I also believed that out of 4 children, there would be one who would take my ways if not all, and that one would be my favorite because he or she would be the one to guide and help his siblings in the future.
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I think it's a balancing act between giving them enough room to do things on their own and learnt from it without them getting too complacent. We indeed want our offsprings to do better than us, giving them all the tools and mindset to achieve that is a worthwhile effort to do, especially the process of seeing them walk, fall down, walk again and then fall down again :)
Just perfect.... just because we don't want our kids to experience what we went through doesn't mean we should spoil them with just all they want.... sometimes lack creates value... just imagine if money was every where
yea right! If they have everything easily, they might not appreciate the value and what it takes to obtain it.
That's a fact
I like this statement.
I tend to resonate well with your words in this post and I agree with a lot. We should be able to say no to some of their requests not because we don't love them but because we do, and want to see them learn to stand on their own and succeed.
yup! they must also learn to be independent and not depend on us for everything.
The child we didnt teach well is the one that will rely on properties and squander everything
It's amazing how you became independent at a very young age,am inspired
Welldone amd keep it up
Thanks.😇
Cuando era más joven decÃa que jamás iba a casarme y mucho menos a tener hijos. Que con mis sobrinos bastarÃa para ser feliz. jjjj. Pero hace 17 años que formé mi propia familia y la bendición más grande ha sido mi hijo.
This is so awesome that you really learnt a lot and that have helped you.
Thanks man
It is exactly like this. With the passage of time, things change and our thinking also changes. There comes a time when we are so obsessed with earning money that it is impossible to live a good life without it. But when we start getting older, we see that if our health is not good, even money is of no use.
yea the older we get, the more our perspective about life changes.
I also hope to help my children fulfill their dreams. I am not a father yet, but I think most fathers want to do the same. Maybe situation doesn't allow them to behave how they want to. I am just assuming, as I don't have any experience. I believe that you have a good personality and hope that you will be a good father in the future.
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yea lack of money sometimes is what made it hard for parents to fulfill their childrens dream but we have many parent that struggle to make it happen and they were successful.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
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Personally, I think kids or people who became independent at a young age fare better in life than those who had everything given to them. Tough times makes people strong, good times makes people weak
This!
I think it's all about balance. I wouldn't want them to suffer, but then there would also be a limit to what i give them as well. Because children tend to actually take things for granted, and if they aren't disciplined on time, then they wouldn’t know how to navigate life properly. Nice post, sir👌