CNF: Growing Up Means Knowing When to Stop Carrying It All by Yourself

It's 7:25am, I have just woken up from a short night rest. I want to sleep more but I have make the mistake of holding my phone while still lying on my bed. On my homescreen, it's a missed call.

I have not had a good sleep but the call that I have missed brings more worries than the thought that I had a short sleep in my hot bedroom. It's a call from my dad and so early.

I know my dad to be an early bird because of his nature of work but what I don't know my dad to do is, call me that early because he knows I don't wake up early except on special days which I've not had in a long while. Now, I am so worried.

3 missed calls!!! What could be the reason dad is calling? I ask myself but my mind keeps giving me the answers that I really don't want it to be.

Over three years ago, I was a 24 year old lady who got lucky to start earning some good amount of money while still in school. Even though it didn't make sense to my dad that I could earn money from just using my phone. Dad started to believe me when I started a mistake.

The mistake of being an independent daughter, sorting out all my bills and sending money home to sort out my family bills too. It felt good, I was happy to be of that much help to my family and they appreciated me for it every single time I do.

One time became a regular thing and at my graduating year, it's been over 3 years that I have been taking care of myself financially while making sure my family were supported too. It became a kind of "my responsibility" in my life.

That kept on until some months back, I found myself in a more needy situation than my dad or siblings who will call for any financial support. I watched myself struggle to call any of them for help, I kept thinking of ways to sort it out myself.

It didn't go well after all I did. Another time came again in the last few months and I did it, I called my sister. She didn't only send me the help I needed, she said something that changed my mind and kept me at more ease than ever before.

We may not be sorted out yet but it's okay for you to ask too, I know how hard it has been on you.

Those were my sister's words and I realized just how much I've been carrying, more than I should. So when I get the call from my dad on the morning I have just woken from a short rest, my mind made me scared of what I'm about to carry.

I'm 28 year old now, living away from dad and my siblings but still doing all I can to earn. It's nearly not enough, I know I need to cut down my expenses to be able to have more for more responsibilities to come. The call wasn't helping.

I try calling back, to hear what dad have to tell me, he must have been busy as he didn't pick up. He called back minutes later and I picked the call with my mind doing it's thing again, the fear and worry. Dad's voice came in with a sense of calm.

How are you, my daughter? Hope you are well over there. I just wanted to hear from you.

I smiled and answered that I feel even better with his call. We talked a bit more for other things but nowhere did he make me feel like I have another problem to worry about concerning my family, just the calm connection of father and daughter.

The call ends, I'm sitting on my work desk with a calm mind and ready to work. It's a feeling I'm beginning to get used to as my family have finally come to understand that I won't always have to assist them but still loves and appreciate the little I try to do while we all find ways to grow.

Today will be a good day because I'm not worrying about how I can solve a problem for my family, I'm just excited on what I am learning to live a better life with less worry and help my family where I can while they do the same for me.