SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SALARY ALERTS AND SILENT STRESS

I used to think that adulthood meant Freedom until i realized Freedom comes with Invoices.

Chinedu's first impression of adulthood was when he stood in a supermarket and had to work out which type of rice he could still afford to buy enough of to take home.
Not graduation.
Not his first time to have a beard.
He even hasn't moved into his first apartment.
It was that moment.
The stillness and nothing special, in the sunlight of the supermarket, no one was coming to his rescue from his poor calculations anymore.
Three years ago, a life as an adult had seemed like a lot of fun from afar.
Freedom.
Independence.
No more having to answer parents every 5 minutes.
No more asking permission to go out.
In those days, Chinedu envisioned his adult life as late night drives, money in his account, soft life and finally being “his own man.”
Reality arrived differently.
Two weeks after he moved in, he had no place to move to in Abuja because bills, rent, groceries and generator fuel began taking all his earnings, and the day afterwards, his one-room apartment looked bigger than it did two weeks afterwards.
There was peeling paint around the window, there was a ceiling fan that sounded more like a hurricane than a breeze, but to him, it was accomplishment.
His own place.
His own life.
For a while he was enjoying it.
The quiet was grown up.
Until the quiet began to feel so alone.
Gradually came adult life.
First came budgeting.
But then there were unforeseen costs.
Then it dawned on her that she could mess up just one month.
No one ever teaches you how difficult it can be to think ahead all the time.
Transport.
Food.
Electricity.
Data subscription.
Work pressure.
Family responsibilities.
But you still have to seem calm and happy to smile.

After a day's work one evening Chinedu was sitting on the edge of his bed, gazing at his banking app.
₦4,300 left.
Still eight days to payday.
He snickered to himself.
Not for a lack of comedy.
Yet he had grown up in adulthood and was abashed.

He recalled the times when he used to spend money with a lot of confidence when he was a student.
At the time when things got tough home was still there to fall back on.
He now had safety net.
That's a thing that makes a person change.
It was more difficult after his mother became sick for a short time.
They weren't like the bills from the hospital were that bad, but enough to shake him financially. He sent most of the money he had left to his parents.

Then he was the next two weeks, living on the budget of an embellished-up impoverished adult.
Bread.
Tea.
Hope.
Repeat.

It was a Friday night when his friends invited him out.
One of them joked on the phone, "you too gone, these days.
Chinedu glanced around his room before replying.
The answer was simple.
Adulthood ostracizes you, at times.
Not because you detest people.
However, survival requires energy.
After working all week, it can be draining to be sociable and pretend to be fine.

However, during those challenging months, something interesting did occur.
He started changing.
Not Instantaneous.
But deeply.
He was able to be more patient.
More thoughtful.

A greater appreciation of the efforts of people to simply get by.
He had not been so quick to judge struggling adults as he now knew what it meant to experience pressure from the inside.

He also started to value small gains.
Full tank of fuel.
A paid bill.
Good old rest and relaxation.
Unexpected credit notification.

It was things he would never thought were exciting to him when he was younger.
One night it rained again and the power was out.
Chinedu was listening to the sound of the rain falling on the zinc roofs outside while eating noodles from the pot, at such times he normally would be frustrated.
But it was weirdly… he was calm.
Not because it was easy.
He knew the important thing, however.
He was surviving.
Imperfectly.
Tired sometimes.
Confused sometimes.
But surviving.
And maybe that was adulthood.
Not having it all worked out.
Don't get rich quick.
Not always having a sense of confidence.

However, getting up every day and going on regardless.
Learning.
Adjusting.
Trying again.
Many young people believe that adulthood starts once you become free.
At one time I thought that too.
I suppose the first time adult life really starts, is when you realize no one's doing anything to plan your life for you.
The decisions you make are yours.
Errors are the teacher's lessons.
You have to make peace your purpose.
Chinedu smiled to himself that night while he watched the rain roll down the window to his apartment.
The adult life was not as shiny as what he had envisioned it to be, It was heavier.
Messier.
More expensive.
More emotionally demanding.
But somehow…
It was also helping him to discover his true identity.

*Image created with Chatgpt *