People Strengthens Or Makes You Vulnerable
My cousin called this morning when I was doing prayers, he was hurt and disappointed by what our uncle had said to him. Apparently, he needed to loan some money and was willing to pay it back with interest, but my uncle blatantly told him that even if he (our uncle) had 10 million lying idly in a bank account, he wasn't going to loan it to my cousin. These words struck anger and pain in my cousin and he called me to register this dissatisfaction. Apparently, I was also reeling from what this same man told me yesterday.
He berated my health condition so badly and said that no woman would want to marry me and that the only way I should sire a child was to impregnate any woman I mistakenly took to bed, and that I had to do that as soon as possible. This man in question was like the most vocal person in our extended family. He wasn't wealthy, but he was rich enough for everyone to see him as a demigod. Everyone is mostly scared of him, even his elder brother and my aunts. He had this commanding authority and he used it to intimidate anyone he pleases.
He takes turns to humiliate anyone at will, and this is because of his financial prowess. He is the breadwinner of the extended family (excluding me and my cousin) and because of this, no one is willing to challenge him. He's not necessarily a bad person, but the fact that he's a financial savior made him build a reputation of arrogance over the years, and I know him for this character. I'm used to people mocking my health situation, he wasn't the first, I've mastered the art of staying at peace when he comes for me, however, I have been mourning and vulnerable, and I guess everything he said to me unbalanced me yesterday.
Where I come from, people worship money, you can easily build affluence by spending money, Making people dependent on your financial assistance, and this way, you can enslave them, rendering them unable to have an opinion or thoughts of their own. While this man hasn't given me any financial assistance, I admit he came through for my parents when they were alive, and one way or the other, his influence is so huge, that he categorically does whatever he wants and no one would question him.
My cousin was pissed and almost in tears. His financial condition was caused by what most young people in Nigeria are facing; becoming a breadwinner too early in life. This man had absolutely no regard for anyone, and I can understand why, money drives people mad and sometimes the bad attitude of people is why we cannot remember how good they've been to us in the past. Death makes people vulnerable, the loss of my brother has made me vulnerable and this has opened me up to scrutiny, pressure, criticism, and insult. The type of family I came from was why I set out on a journey to be independent and extend that goodwill to others.
It's not bad to be broke, absolutely no shame, but the family I came from will berate you for every sign of failure or weakness you show. I understood this early in life and unfortunately, no member of my nuclear/immediate family understood this. This flaw was why I'm currently susceptible to the afterpain that I'm currently going through. In life, people can either raise you or bring you down, and sometimes having people who will always do the former is rare.
People with supportive friends and family are the luckiest in life
In life, there's a conditioning for acceptance, and sometimes, those people who are always accepting you are just there because of the value they're symbiotically extracting from you. The only way to know pain and rejection is to experience it. At this time in my life, I'm no longer sad at people who refuse to come through for me in my time of pain and tribulation, this is because people will be people. When you're coming from a toxic background, there's no way that toxicity will not reflect in the way you see people, believe, have faith, or trust in them.
However, I appreciate the pain
it's a testament to the extraterrestrial strength I have surprisingly mustered in some of my most toughest situations. However, in these past 10 days, I've lost the strength to believe in my capacity to conquer. The death of my brother has left me doubting my ability to recover from the slightest of confrontations. Maybe we need people to establish purpose and courage for sustainability and striving and I might have just lost this.
For all the doubt in my mind, I hope I can heal, because it doesn't look like it. I'm a mess when I'm vulnerable, and I hate being vulnerable. I have just confirmed that people are what strengthens us or makes us vulnerable, for me I have those who do the latter. As for my cousin, he's out there, hurt from what he's been told by my uncle, it's painful to have people who you cannot just fall back on, but people who will berate you for things you have no power to control.
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Loss of your brother has left you vulnerable, pain is difficult enough during time of a loved one passing.
Uncles that have money, are demeaning to family members there is no excuse for them, reminder they should be given is they come with nothing, they too will leave with nothing.
@tipu curate
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While I think these uncles ate entitled to their money, I just don't think they should use it to intimidate and box others to one corner. It's sad we cannot influence people to be good. Some people want to be what they are. As for my brother, I don't think I can get over the pain
Siblings never forgotten, very difficult when you were close. Money changes some people, still many good people around fortunately.
Now, I understand why you're strong. I will talk less of your uncle, but if there's a reason I will thank God for your life that's how far you have come. I love that you trained yourself to be very resilient to your uncle's violence, and guess you can do better. The craziest thing that might happen is allowing all these shitty behavior of your uncle to get into you. So, you just have to stay strengthened and resilient to all.
You're loved by many. Yeah, life is hard but life gives the hardest battles to the toughest soldiers. I'm proud of you dear Jose. Your creator is working on your health
Yeah, as for your uncle. You know the true color of people when they're in control (power). At that time it'll be very hard to hide it. I feel you know all these, which is the reason I decided to talk less about it. So, please focus on what makes you happy
May the lord be with you.
I don't want to say he's got a bad behavior, but I hope he realizes and learns later in life that he's actually got very bad behavior. Sometimes people display subconscious behavior as such and backed by money too. As for me, it's a really difficult time for me, I mostly have stayed away from hustling and just gradually coming back because the motivation is not there. Nevertheless I'm hopeful, I'm hopeful for a turn around.
Yeah, totally understand. It's a matter of time
You are going through a tough time to say the least. However the fact that you are writing about this topic and showing your vulnerable side makes me confident to believe that you are stronger than you think. You sir will get through this take it one day at a time. Do it for your brother and everyone you love around you. I wish you success. And in time be a better uncle than the ones around you. Be the type that will give inspiration to the next generation of breadwinners.
Writing is how I stay sane, I currently live alone and sometimes this has a way of actually getting to me. Writing is how I keep it all intact and in check.
You shouldn't feel sad, and neither should your cousin for his words towards you guys. Saying those words isn't right, but he knows how the words will make you guys feel, so don't give him that satisfaction. He doesn't deserve it.
And, you know very well that life isn't fair to anyone. There's nothing wrong with your health that the world hasn't heard of before. So, just continue staying healthy for us all, please.
Poverty isn't the end of life. Whoever makes you feel so should be cut out of your life for peace of mind.
The reason why it's sadder is that the man is part of our extended family, just like I've talked about him. He just waits for opportunities as this to show this side of him. My prayer is that he doesn't end up losing like we've lost, because this is the only way he can truly know what we've felt.
You See, I know. I understand and life will tell his story.
Just be better
I don't know why some people just love using other people's weaknesses to insult them. It is not fair. I would rather stay away from those people that make me feel bad and remind me of my weaknesses.
Your cousin should just find another means.
This is exactly what he's planning to do, he's hurt not because he couldn't get the help, but the idea that even if they have excess, the man will still not help him. It's the total height of wickedness.
To him he might think that he's only telling you the truth. My dad most times will be mean when conveying his message to my brothers and I came to believe that's normal for African parents but that is definitely not an excuse for your uncle to talk down on your health challenge especially now that you are mourning. There is surely a more respectable way to drive home his point to you without hurting your feeling. Just a case of adding salt to one's injury.
Well I don't think I've learned anything from him other than rebuff and rebuke, I accept that that's how external/extended family are, I just find it really hurting that he's doing it when I'm mourning.
Unfortunately, there are people who think that material things like wealth are a super power but the truth is that the real super power is humility and love and the ability to help others.
Without his wealth your uncle would be a lonely man while there are people who have nothing but have so much love around them and that is true wealth.
Keep being strong, the great pain you are going through will never completely go away but time will lighten it and make you even stronger.
A strong hug
!discovery 30
Where I come from, real power is affluence and money, a lot of people lose their humility when they get it. Thr discipline to stay humble is not there, but it's life, sometimes we experience all these and even more.
People brings out their real self once they have money and that is exactly what your uncle is doing, and if you asked me, I will tell you a million times that he is a bad person. You don't judge people by their weaknesses, which is exactly what he is doing but it is better you ignore him and your cousin too should ignore him as long as you both have God by your side, you won't be shamed. It is good that you stood firm and was resilient all this why.
Whatever you are passing through has a solution and a timing, as long as God liveth. Time is the healer of every pain, you just need time to heal and I hope you heal fast and show your uncle that he was wrong about you because he is not God.
Well, he says he comes through for the family and this may have guaranteed him the access to be vain and harsh on people. He says it all the time that a lot of money he makes goes on to help the family and maybe, the extended family wouldn't mind the way he behaves. Money buys and sells the soul of people. I blame poverty.
No one likes being vulnerable at all but like you said the extraterrestrial strength you've gained overtime is a plus. You will heal from this. Sorry about your brother's death. Stay strong, hang in there because you will pull through
Thank you for the kind words. It's looking bleak and uncertain at the moment, but I just want to keep pushing
Yeah you should and you are welcome
Man!, I've really been looking out for days haven't seen a feed on your blog yah... really....
I share in this vulnerability thing cause I'm highly emotional most times, every little thing can affect me for days, kind of extreme introvert, just pulled out of some shitty hole recently, still around money, I have to raise half a million before the year runs out, still hoping for a miracle.
As for people, man!!! I can tell you for free no body truly cares, I've gotten that in my head long ago, people will only care when you've made it to the spot light, so right now I'm all I've got ophaned very early, see my way through uni but I had uncles and aunts and a whole bunch of them,
get this! Every body is trying so hard to live their best life, so hard they'd never care about anyone else until there's some kind of news about you, Omo I'm on my toe crafting my own best life never to bother any body.
Whatever it is I take, with God on my side I'll achieve every possibility in my heart...
#STAYSTRONG @josediccus
Normally, nobody truly cares, and for all the times I've been in deep, messy situations, this is how I've realized that one is truly alone when it matters the most.
I'm currently alone and even most of the people I've dined and wined with, are no where to be found, they probably just live for the good times.
I'll be here, sometimes I take a break to mourn, sometimes I come back to post, I just do this because it's my life now.
Hello, it's a very difficult situation that your cousin is going through, especially since those crude words that you mentioned come from a close relative, sometimes there are people who enjoy humiliating others. These are the situations that end up destroying our self-esteem or strengthen us much more in demonstrating that we are made of and the ability to face life with determination.
I hope you are well, have a great week.
Truly, we can't stand crudeness from people who should be relatives to us. The betrayal seems too much to handle. Thank you for the kind words
Time heals all pain man.
Your uncle didn't do well and it is not because he is rich, money brings out people's real behavior so that is just who he is, and if I were in your shoes, I would never tolerate any sort of Insult from such a person, In fact, I would never have anything to do with Him, I am very good at ghosting people, that is my strength and If people do not make me happy, I leave.
You deserve to be happy and the best way to achieve this is to ignore, abandon, and leave anyone who tries to take that away from you, life is short man, so make the best of it... It hurts to lose a loved one but the living must stay strong and continue living.. Your brother won't want you to also hurt yourself because you are depressed he is gone....
It's a different story with the Igbos, people in my side are more mean, and it's difficult to escape them, it's almost inevitable. It's a continous cycle and I've avoided them for a while now until my mom died and my brother followed, so it's difficult.
Thank you for the kind words.
It sucks to hear that your uncle is acting like that. It would be different if he couldn't afford to loan out that money but I think he is warped by the power that he gained. It shows what his real character is like and I hope he remembers what he is like when he needs to be on the end that asks for help.
Most people in a position to help will definitely act that way over here, people are way in over their head when they have money
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Thank you
How would his uncle say that?
That's not nice at all
Nawa
Well, exactly.
It's just so so unfortunate that things are going this way for you and that you have known this much pain, trust me when I say that time is the great healer. It's easier said but I know you will definitely heal one day, move on and then get stronger by the travails you have been through. Keep drawing strength and courage from above, take heart dear.
Thank you, I'm sure I will
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Well I will say that words was really harsh which the uncle actually utter to your cousin. It must have Peirce your cousin heart
Today's time is very bad and people relate to each other only for their own gain and loss and also insult each other even though this causes a lot of trouble to the next person and also a lot of pain. If it is happening then people should stop doing it like this at all.