When Love Becomes Pressure: Choosing Peace Over Family Expectations

One of the most difficult decisions anyone can make is cutting ties or letting go of loved ones such as family members like parents or siblings, and that's because of the bond we've shared and the natural expectations of the society towards how relationships with family should be treated. On many occasions we notice something we can't cope with in a friend, probably because such a thing isn't for us or because it draws us back, and for that reason we can easily make a decision to cut ties with such friends. However, despite how easy it is to do such with friends, the same isn't the case with family. What then should we do? In this article I'll share a personal experience of letting go of my closeness to my family for the sake of my mental health and happiness.

Months before my brother got married, I was introduced to his fiancée, and in light of that, I began to build relationships with not just her but also her family members, especially her siblings, so by the time the date of their wedding arrived, I was already so close with my brother's wife's siblings that it was as though we'd known each other for years. I was doing it so the wife would feel at home and so the two families could bond further, but it seems as though others had ulterior motives or plans, because almost immediately after the weekend, I started getting messages and encouragement from my brother, his wife, and my parents, all wanting me to propose a relationship to the new bride's junior sister, who was the best lady to her sister, just as I was the best man to my brother at their wedding.

Apparently they believe something is going on between us because we were so close and talked almost regularly before and even after the wedding ceremony, but each time I get that advice, I just tell them straight away that I've no feelings for the lady in question; I'm only being friendly because we're now in-laws, and aside from that, I don't want anything elsewith her. But despite my words, it was as though it all fell on the deaf ears of my brother, his wife, and my parents, because they kept on pestering me about it until I felt like I'd had enough and needed to do something to curb such from reoccurring.

Seeing how everything is going, I had to create a big distance between me and not just the lady in question but also my family members who are pushing me to delve into something I'm not ready for and, aside from that, trying to force me to go into a relationship with someone I've got no feelings for, not forgetting the fact that I'm yet to heal from the pain of my previous relationship as of then. So assuming I had yielded to their words, maybe it would have pleased everyone, maybe the lady might have accepted, but I doubt the relationship would last due to the fact that I was still carrying the burden and pain of my previous relationship, and going into another relationship with those burdens will only cause issues that could go on to ruin our friendship.

And so, in light of that, I moved out of the house and rented my own apartment somewhere else, even though the reason I moved back to my dad's place was to save money since his house isn't too far from my place of work. But then I realized staying with them gives them room to occupy my mind with that suggestion that goes on to affect me mentally, because as of then, I don't want to have anything to do with relationships, and seeing how they keep on pestering me about it, I can't get angry with them or say negative words, so moving out comes in handy as a way to escape them. Alongside that, I also tend to avoid their calls, including that of my brother, during those periods, and with time it all fades away.

Although it wasn't easy for me paying rent with the little amount I was earning at that time, it was a necessary sacrifice I had to make because I understand all their words and encouragement are from a place of love, especially given the fact that they know how my previous relationship ended. But then what they don't know is that I'm yet to heal and don't have feelings for the lady in question, and despite my words, their not listening made me take those steps that helped me sail through peacefully. Fast forward to present day, the lady in question is now married; I even attended her wedding ceremony and was genuinely happy for her.

All photos are mine.